


No Longer Feels Like Home

by itsjust_soff



Category: 9-1-1 (TV), Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Adopted Evan "Buck" Buckley, Caring Danny "Danno" Williams, Evan "Buck" Buckley Deserves Better, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hen and Chimney are on Bucks side, Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, Maddie Buckley is a Good Sister, Ohana, Other, Post-Episode: s10e18 Nalowale I Ke ‘ehu O He Kai (Lost in the Sea Sprays), Post-Lawsuit (9-1-1 TV), Protective Danny "Danno" Williams, Protective Maddie Buckley, Protective Steve McGarrett, So 10x18 is the actual ending for me, Steve and Danny help Buckaroo, Team as Family, Upset Evan "Buck" Buckley, Worried Evan "Buck" Buckley, Worried Steve McGarrett, emotional neglect/rejection, from the 118 duh, i refuse to believe 10x22 is h50 ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:26:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28141605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsjust_soff/pseuds/itsjust_soff
Summary: After the lawsuit, things had been rough for Evan Buckley at Station 118.Everyone seemed to follow their Captain's lead, just speaking to him when it was absolutely necessary. Everyone except for Chimney and Hen, but Buck had never felt so lonely before.He couldn't bring himself to tell anyone about what was happening."You're exhausting." "Suck it up."Eddie's words were always present on his mind every time his leg ached, every time he was insulted by someone on his shift, every time Bobby told him"My house, my rules."Until one day, he arrived at Maddie's house and found two other men with her.They had come all the way from Hawaii just to check on him.Steve McGarrett had kept his promise and he had never wanted to punch someone more than when Buck told him about the last months of his life.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Danny "Danno" Williams, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Firehouse 118 Crew, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Five-0 Team, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Steve McGarrett, Evan “Buck” Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Steve McGarrett & Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 118
Kudos: 479





	1. Manaʻo (Feeling)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm super anxious right now, because this is the first fanfic I ever post. And why do I always go for the most difficult thing first? lmao (Really a crossover fanfic for your first post? Yes.)
> 
> Anyway, have fun reading, and any feedback is apreciated (English is not my first language.)
> 
> Title is from song So Cold by Ben Cocks.

S _omething was wrong with Buck._

Steve could sense it, because there was always some horrible sensation at the back of his head, screaming something he couldn't quite understand.

And it wasn't about his leg, nor the tsunami.

It was something else.

He had seen the news of the bomber in LA, and Danny had been his support while both saw Buck pinned to the road by that enormous fire truck in the news. Steve then had to explain what the kid meant to him, and some days later, he texted and called Buck to make sure he could count on him in whatever situation.

 _"Just text me and I will be taking the next plane to LA."_ Steve had said during a call.

Buck chuckled and thanked the former SEAL.

Five months later it was the pulmonary embolism.

Buck had texted Steve sometime before going over Athena's to have some 'celebration dinner' with Bobby, May, Harry, and her before his first shift after the accident.

Sometime later he received a message telling _'it was a party! :)'_ and a picture of him, Christopher, and Eddie.

He sent the picture to Danny, who had demanded that Steve told him about every news from Buck, although the detective and the firefighter didn't know each other.

 _'Are you kidding me? The kid looks like the Diazes had hung the moon for him.'_ Danny texted back.

Steve chuckled fondly, his mind free of worries until he unexpectedly woke up at 1 am, with a call from Buck's number.

 _"What the hell? It's 3 am in LA."_ He thought. But when he answered he noticed it wasn't Buck who called. It was a woman.

 _"Hi, um, am I talking to... Steve McGarrett?"_ She asked.

"Yes, ma'am. Is Buck okay?" Steve had woken up completely.

 _"Yes... No..."_ The woman doubted, she didn't know if she could trust this person, although her brother told her it was fine.

"What happened? Who are you? I want to talk to him now." Steve demanded as he stood up and started pacing around his room.

 _"He had a pulmonary embolism. I'm his older sister, Maddie. He wanted to talk to you, but the nurses took him for a CT scan, so I told him I would do it."_ Maddie answered, alarmed. Steve could sense the worry in her voice. So he told her comforting words until the nurses brought an asleep Buck back to his hospital room. She thanked his company and promised updates from his brother before cutting the call.

Then, like a week or two later, it was the tsunami.

Everyone was at the Five-0 headquarters, bored between the Hawaiian constant heat and the paperwork when Danny appeared through the office's cristal doors with fast steps and a tablet in his hands.

They all peeked from their offices at the detective when he exclaimed, "Hey! Something happened in LA!"

Steve knew it was directed to him, and his mind immediately rushed to think of every bad thing that could have happened. He calmed himself down before stepping out of his office.

When Danny reached the computer, he slid his hand through the tablet, to move the image into one of the screens. The group had reunited around the computer table to watch it.

The headline was worse than what they could have imagined.

**_"Tsunami hits Santa Monica Pier in LA"_ **

Danny locked eyes with Steve for some seconds. He knew that Buck had texted the Commander, telling him that he and Christopher were going to the beach after Eddie dropped him off at his apartment to cheer him up.

Everyone's breath hitched when they watched the phone recorded video on the screen.

"Oh my god," Tani muttered as she saw the first wave hitting the pier on the news.

 _"This video was recorded by a brave teenager who is residing at Ocean Plaza Apartment, near the Santa Monica Pier.."_ The news reporter spoke but everything was just white noise to them.

A giant wave appeared in the background. The people who were at the border of the pier started running to the mainland and giving advice to others in their way.

The wave finally hit the pier and in a matter of seconds, all the people disappeared into the salty water.

All of the officers' stomachs dropped to the floor, their mouths dry with no words.

It looked unreal, like a movie.

Steve immediately looked for Buck's number on his phone and frenetically tried to call him. Meanwhile, Danny started calling Mary, Steve's sister who lived in LA, and Adam tried to contact Kono, his ex-wife.

Junior, Quinn, Lou, and Tani just stood there worried, watching as the men tried to contact their loved ones.

Danny and Adam finished their calls, and a tense ambient settled among them as Steve was still trying to contact Buck.

After trying one last time, he hit the table with his fist before he placed both of his hands on the computer table and looked at the floor.

The Five-0 members shared a look before Danny asked, "Steve?"

"I can't contact him." He sighed.

The men and women in the place shared another look; everyone thought he was trying to contact Mary.

Only Danny understood who he was referring to.

"What can I do to help?" He asked, hating to see Steve in that state.

"Find a way to contact Maddie or Athena?" Steve replied unsurely.

"Okay, then," Danny replied and started typing on the table's screen.

He looked for Maddie Buckley in the interstate files and found out she worked at the 9-1-1 Emergency Call Center in LA, next to some other information like her contact number.

Danny passed her phone number to Steve, who entered his office to call her.

"Danny?" Tani was the first to say a word. "Can you tell us what's going on? Who is this guy?"

"Well..." Danny started.

Then he proceeded to tell them all he knew about Buck, which was that Steve met him years ago after the kid enrolled for the Navy SEALs and convinced him of dropping off because Buck hated to 'turn that emotional switch off', and how both stayed in contact throughout the years.

Everyone understood the situation. They even tried to joke at how easily Steve 'adopted' people, just to lighten the heavy, tense climate in the room.

Eventually, Steve got Buck's number from Maddie and found out about how he had survived the natural disaster, and his almost endless search for Christopher.

It was almost a month since the last event, and Steve had barely spoken with the fireman. He had a good excuse though. It seemed like May was the unspoken month for all kinds of murderers, robbers, kidnappers, terrorists, and even the Yakuza to come out of their caves and try to finish them.

It was one case after the other, sometimes they even accumulated, so Steve had to separate the group in halves, this way they could cover two cases at a time.

That was when the feeling started.

At first, he thought it was just stress from all the cases, but after May ended and the pile of unsolved cases started reaching an end, the feeling was still there. He tried to take some days off without connecting with the world, but it just got worse.

Finally, he spoke to Danny about this, and both reviewed Steve's life for the last months, to see if something was missing. Suddenly, Danny had an idea.

"Have you talked to Buck lately?"

And the pieces almost clicked in his mind.

"No. I think... You just discovered it Danno!" Steve said as he patted his grinning partner on the back.

Then he looked for Buck's contact and called. And... He didn't answer.

Steve decided to shrug it off and convince himself that Buck was in a long shift. So instead he texted him.

"Hey, Buck! I'm sorry I haven't talked to you, May was a crazy month for us. How are you? Please reply ASAP."

Another week had passed, and the young fireman had only texted back a 

"Hi, it's fine I understand. I'm good."

It didn't sound like Buck at all. And it didn't help to ease the feeling on Steve's chest and head.

...

Some days later Danny and Steve were at home, in a movie night, taking advantage of the fact that Junior had gone out on a date with Tani.

"I think something is wrong, Danny," Steve said to the detective after the man asked him about his recent anxious attitude.

"With what?"

"Buck," Steve replied, shifting on the couch.

"You still have the feeling, don't you?" Danny inquired, looking at Steve by his side.

The man sighed, rubbing his face with one hand.

"Yeah, I do. But I don't know what to do with it. It's driving me crazy, Danno."

Danny moved from the comfortable space he had on Steve's side to get the remote. He stopped the movie and shifted his body so he could face his best friend.

"Thanks, my arm was already falling asleep," Steve joked.

Danny rolled his eyes and his partner chuckled.

"Okay, serious talk now. I think I know why you have the feeling."

"Illuminate me, Doctor."

"Sometimes when Grace or Charlie is in danger, or not feeling well, I get that feeling too."

Steve leaned his head as his brows frowned, expecting an explanation.

"Like I know something is wrong and I need to talk to them, to know that they are safe and sound. And I know that you feel it with my children too."

Danny paused a moment to let his words make sense before speaking again, "It's like a fatherly feeling. You, my friend, care about Buck as you do about my children."

It made some sense in Steve's mind, but he still questioned it.

"So you are telling me that I care for Evan Buckley like he was my son?"

"Exactly. And let me guide you in this new parenting thing." Danny added. "Most of the time you are right and something happened. The last time I had his feeling, Charlie was being bullied in school by that Zach or whatever his name was."

Some seconds passed while Steve processed the information.

He had made a promise to Buck, and he always kept them.

_"When is the next flight to Los Angeles?"_


	2. kōkua (help)

The detective and the commander arrived at LAX at sunrise, the morning after their talk at McGarrett's house.

Steve rented a truck at the airport's rental while Danny looked for a cafe near so both could have a decent breakfast.  
  
Once they got to a place called "Coffee Shop", the detective ordered a large cappuccino latte for himself and a large black coffee for Steve, then he sat in front of his partner, passed the coffee, and both enjoyed their drinks in silence.  
  
The cafe was small but cozy, mostly lit by small vintage light bulbs and walls painted to simulate as if the building was made of bricks. On the back wall, there was a blackboard with all the drinks, cakes, and prices written in chalk.  
Danny assumed the handwriting was too pretty to be masculine, so the cashier, who was a woman in her twenties, with glasses and a few dyed-blue locks, was probably responsible for that.  
  
There were three tables and a large wooden counter behind the window facing the street, with high benches, so that more people could fit in the store. There was one more person besides them, the cashier and the barista, it was a young adult who was having coffee and completing an essay on his computer, probably due to that day. Danny would have bet ten bucks on that.  
  
After making a complete scan of the place and having already drunk half his coffee, he saw Steve looking outside through the window. His eyes were lost, his expression was what Danny liked to call an aneurysm face.  
  
"Earth to McGarrett." He said snapping his fingers in front of Steve's eyes. The other man blinked some times before focusing on Danny.  
  
"Hi, Earth." Steve deadpanned.

Danny rolled his eyes dramatically, " You behave like a 5 years old."

Steve just smiled to himself.

"So, what's the plan? Did you at least tell him we are here?" Danny continued.  
  
"I didn't tell him. That way we can catch him acting naturally and not pretending he is happy."  
  
"Oh, that's okay, I guess. And is he in a shift or...?"  
  
"I don't know, but we'll go to the station, the 118, and ask for him." He took a sip of his coffee and continued speaking in a low tone.

"And if they ask, I know this can be a little weird and it's okay if you don't want to if you are uncomfortable but-" Steve was cut off by an annoyed Danny.  
  
"Could you stop rambling and get to the point? It's fine."  
  
 _"Canyoupretendweareamarriedcouple?"_ Steve blurted out.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Can you pretend we are a married couple?" Steve repeated himself.  
  
"Like I suggested when the old lady discovered us undercover in 2016?" Danny was astonished.  
  
"You are not forced to do-"  
  
"Shut up shmuck, I'm fine with it. But... Why?"  
  
"Do you remember Steve McGarrett is a decorated Commander Lieutenant of the Navy SEALs?" Steve described his status.  
  
"Yeah, I remember, you reckless neanderthal."  
  
"But, Steve Williams is just a normal civilian who won't get recognized by Buck's partners from the Army or the PD." The commander explained.  
  
"Okay, now it makes sense. And I'm fine with it, Steve. It's fine." Danny cleared.  
  
"Thanks, brother."  
  
"Anything for you babe."  
  
Steve drank the last sip of his coffee and checked the time in his watch clock.  
  
"It's almost time for the shifts to change. Let's go Danno."  
  
The trip to the station was smooth, without any traffic or complications in the streets. 

When they arrived, both got out of their rented truck and walked into the station.

Suddenly an Asian-American man got closer to them. Danny looked at him. He had a nametag which read 'Han' on top of a pocket in the dark blue Fire Department uniform. He had some light eye bags under his eyes and was chewing bubblegum.  
  
"Hello! Can I help you?" He asked cheerily despite he probably had no more than 2 hours of sleep that day.  
  
"Yes, we are looking for Evan Buckley?" Steve asked straight away.  
  
"Oh, he isn't coming today. He made a 24-hour shift yesterday." Han explained, his tone was still friendly, but a little nervous. He looked back at his coworkers before asking, "And you are...?"  
  
"I'm Danny Williams and this is my husband, Steve," Danny said naturally, as he touched Steve on the shoulder. And it might have been like a sweet touch to the firefighter, but it was actually to remind Steve not to make something stupid.  
  
This wasn't Hawaii, and they didn't have their badges carrying _'immunity and means'_ to back them up.  
  
"Nice to meet you. I'm Howard Han, but you can call me Chimney." Han said, shaking both of the men's hands. "Maybe come by in two days, he will be here for sure."  
  
"Hey, Chimney!" Another voice said behind the firefighter. His body tensed, he didn't want more problems.  
  
Danny peeked from over Chimney's shoulder and saw a 6 feet Latino man, also dressed in uniform, who was approaching them. "Hen needs your help restoking the ambo." He said as he finally reached the trio.  
  
"Copy that. Eddie, these are Danny and Steve Williams, Buck's friends." Chimney said. "Gentlemen this is-"  
  
"Eddie Diaz." Steve completed the name as he shook Eddie's hand with more strength than needed. "Buck talks a lot about you and Christopher."  
  
"Does he?" Chim teased, to ease the tension between Eddie and Steve.  
  
"Hen needs you, Chim!" Eddie answered, his ears turning red.  
  
"Excuse me," Chimney said with a smug and walked over the ambulance's back.  
  
"Anyways, we should get going. It's a shame we won't get to see Buck, but we still have to visit Mary before our plane departures." Steve lied.  
  
"Okay then, it was nice to meet you. I hope we can have some beers someday." Eddie answered, and for some kind of reason, it didn't sound sincere.  
  
"See you," Danny said as he started getting out of the station because he could sense that his partner was about to start pacing and that meant he wanted to punch someone.  
  
Once they had stepped into the truck, both sighed soundly.  
  
"You are right. Something is wrong." Danny conceded. "What do we do now?"  
  
"We go to his place. I'll ask Maddie for his address," Steve easily said shaking his phone in his hand.  
  
And then he called Maddie, explaining the whole situation to her, and she understood him and his reasons to be worried about her brother, plus assured him that she was also noticing that Evan had lost weight and always seemed like he wasn't getting enough sleep.  
  
They decided that it was better if the three of them spoke to Buck in Maddie's place, so she sent them her address so they could chat a little before Buck arrived.  
  
... ... ... ...  
  
Danny pressed the bell at the entrance of Maddie's house to announce they were there. Then he took a look at the building.  
  
Cameras were everywhere in the place.  
  
"Wow, this looks like a fortress." He signaled the cameras with his hand, before putting it back in his pockets.  
  
"Buck told me she didn't have a good past before LA," Steve explained. "Her ex-husband..."  
  
"Like Melissa's, right?"  
  
"Y-Yeah, now that I think of it, yeah, very similar. Buck said he even stabbed Maddie's boyfriend, Chimney, before abducting her."  
  
"So that 'Chimney' is her boyfriend?" Danny asked with one hand unconsciously resting on the scar from the stab he received from Melissa's ex-husband, back when they were dating.  
  
"Apparently." Steve shrugged. Then Maddie came out of her house to receive them.  
  
"Hello, Commander McGarrett. Detective Willams." She said with a smile, and Danny could feel her eyes scanning them from their heads to their feet.  
  
"Please call me Steve."

"And Danny."  
  
The woman hugged McGarrett first, and then Danny, although none of them had met before.  
  
"I'll call you by your names if you promise to call me Maddie." She said with a smirk.  
  
"Okay then, Maddie," Danny said with a smile.  
  
"Follow me." She said and took them inside the house.

Three cups were steaming on a wooden table in the kitchen. Two with coffee for the men, one with tea for Maddie.

Everyone sat on chairs, Maddie on one side and Danny and Steve on the other, and the woman started telling them her worries for her little brother.  
  
"Okay, so, I've been sensing that things aren't okay at the Station," She breathed sharply and continued. "Buck always used to talk about his shifts and stuff in our weekly dinners together. But some time ago he started speaking less and less to me, and if he did it was just to ask if I was okay."  
  
She sipped her tea and continued.  
  
"He also has been delaying and canceling our dinners for weeks now. But every time I ask about it, or if he is okay, he tells me he's fine. But I know he is lying."

After some seconds of akward silence she realized it.

"I think everything started with the _lawsuit._ "  
  
Steve choked with his coffee at the mention of the lawsuit. He started coughing wildly, and Danny asked if he was fine while rubbing his back. He made a thumbs up, so the Detective asked the question both had in mind.  
  
"What lawsuit?"  
  
"He... Didn't tell you about the lawsuit he made to the LA fire department and his Captain?"  
  
"What? No, he didn't." Danny answered.

Steve was getting back to normal, so he asked with a hoarse voice. "When did he made it?"  
  
"June? In the middle? I think. I’m not sure." Maddie answered. "Are you sure you are alright, Steve? Your voice is sounding weird."  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine." He replied. "Why did he sue the department and his boss?"  
  
"Remember the embolism?" Maddie asked.  
  
And, yeah, Steve remembered it well. It had been the first time Maddie and he spoke.

"He worked so hard to get back, that it blinded him completely. And when he was about to get back, _boom_. The embolism happened. Thank God he was with a former Army medic, a former nurse, and two paramedics at the time. That's when he received the worst news. His doctor wasn't able to say if he could work as a firefighter again." She sighed. "He believes that being a firefighter is his whole life. It's been hard to take him back from that thought."  
  
She sipped her tea one more time.  
  
"Then he discussed with Bobby and quit the job. A week later, the tsunami happened. Buck never told me what happened there, but one day I knew he was back on light duty and the other he is sueing the department and Bobby, his Captain, for not letting him be clear to get back to heavy-duty."  
  
Danny and Steve were silent. How could have Buck never tell them that?

"The department offered him millions of dollars if he dropped the lawsuit. And he did, but he declined the money. We never did well with the large sums and the family. He just wanted to go back with the 118."  
  
"And I bet that the rest of the team didn't take the lawsuit lightly, right?" Danny offered.  
  
"The last thing I knew about his work, was that he was just cleaning and on light duty every single shift." Maddie sighed. "I guess we will finally know what's going on."  
  
"I hope so. And Maddie?" Steve was careful while choosing his next words. "If things are bad as we may think they are... Are you willing to let him go with Danny and me to O'ahu?"  
  
"O'ahu?" Maddie asked.  
  
"Yeah, It's the island where Honolulu is," Danny explained to Maddie. He remembered his early days in Hawaii when the islands just seemed like a pineapple hell hole.  
  
The islands had grown on him, but he would never admit that to Steve.  
  
Danny stopped his train of thought and continued. "Can we take him to Hawaii?"  
  
"Why are you asking me?"  
  
"Because you are really important to him. You are his big sister, Maddie. And we wouldn't do something with him, that you don't like." Steve spoke.  
  
"Your opinion matters to us." Danny finished.  
  
"Thanks." Maddie smiled. "If things are bad, you should propose it to him. Do whatever it's good for him."  
  
Steve nodded and relaxed on the chair. Maddie's phone rang, and she answered it.  
  
"Hi, Evan!" She said, and both men put all their attention on her.  
  
"Yeah. That would be great!" Maddie exclaimed. "Mmhm, hey I've got a surprise for you. See you in some minutes. Love you."  
  
And then she cut the call.  
  
"He is at a bakery some minutes away." The woman chuckled. "He loves their chocolate chip and blueberry muffins."  
  
Steve smiled softly and Danny hoped that Grace and Charlie would be as united as the Buckley siblings, in the future.

He also made a mental note for himself to look for a blueberry muffin recipe.  
  
They continued chatting about their jobs, Maddie told her craziest calls she had to take, and Steve also told their craziest cases, with Danny making comments here and there, always reminding them that Steve was a neanderthal savage animal.  
  
Some minutes later, Maddie's phone chimed with a message.  
  
"He is outside. I'll be back right now." She announced and left the house.  
  
"Here comes the moment of the truth." Steve sighed anxiously.  
  
"Everything is going to be okay, babe," Danny assured, and Steve felt thankful that Danny understood his actual state and tried to make him feel better.  
  
Danny was being positive. Who would have thought?  
  
They heard the sound of the door opening and two voices. Steve's leg started shaking and Danny placed a hand on his shoulder.  
  
The voices became louder and louder as they approached the kitchen.  
  
"Maddie, why do I have to close my eyes? You are acting as if you were 5 years old." Buck complained as he entered the kitchen with Maddie's hands and his over his eyes.  
  
"That's what Danno always tells me," Steve said and he finally opened his eyes.  
  
"Surprise!" Danny and Maddie said in stereo.  
  
"Steve? Danny? What are you guys doing here?" Buck asked incredulously. The two men stood up and hugged Buck.  
  
"We wanted to check on you, and your sister of course," Steve replied.  
  
Maddie nodded when Buck turned to see her but then she noticed big bags under his happy eyes and a desperate look behind them. Her face dropped.  
  
"What's wrong Evan?" She asked, stepping over him and cupping his cheek.  
  
"Oh, just... Nothing. I had a tough shift yesterday." He said, but it didn't convince his older sister.  
  
"Evan Robert Buckley..." She said with a pleading look.  
  
Buck flinched a little at the mention of his second name, not because Maddie told it, but because it reminded him of someone he used to consider as family.  
  
Steve noticed this and went closer to Buck.  
  
"Evan. We know something is happening. We are here for you." He said, placing his hand on Buck's shoulder.  
  
Danny added, "You can tell us anything, boy."  
  
"I need help. I- I need you. _Help. Please help me._ " A little sob escaped from the taller man's lips, and everyone hurried to the living room and placed him on a couch.  
  
The Five-0 leaders shared a worried look with Maddie before telling Buck, "Start with the beginning, if you want to."  
  
And then the firefighter let all his bad experiences from the last two months slip through his lips, finally accepting them with steams of tears through his cheeks.  
  
" _Suck it up, man up"_  
  
His family had rejected him, but he still spoke as if they included him in everything, always making up an excuse for anything they had done wrong. Always blaming himself for the 118's mistakes.  
  
 _"My house, my rules."_  
  
He had two allies in the station, Henrietta Wilson, and Howard Han, both paramedics. They both had been rejected when they arrived at the station. Both knew what it felt like to be alone.  
  
 _"Get out of my way, you traitor idiot."_  
  
This was the first time that he let someone outside the station know about it, about all the pain he had felt. It was freeing in a certain way.  
  
 _"When will you realize that this is not your home? Give up Buckley!"_  
  
When he finished, Steve stormed out of the house to have some air. Danny followed him with the excuse of watching he didn't make something stupid while Maddie helped his brother catch his breath.  
  
She had to be strong for her brother then, but sheer rage was simmering inside her. The members of station 118 were not suspicious of the approaching storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my Christmas gift for you.  
> Thanks for all the support on last chapter, it means a lot to me, and Merry Christmas or Feliz Navidad or Mele Kalikimaka!! :)
> 
> (I'll be probably updating in a week - week and a half, so Happy New Year too!)


	3. Ohana (Family)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for posting this two weeks later :/  
> I had some personal stuff going on, plus all the rage I felt watching what happened in the US and I lost track of time lol.  
> Also, my brain decided to rewrite the whole last part at last minute yesterday, but I feel better if it's written this way. Enjoy :)

"Steve! Hey! Steven! Listen to me, would ya!" Danny exclaimed. Steve turned to his partner, all he could see was red.

"Danny! They told him he was family! That they would always be there! But it was just a lie! When things turned complicated they just... They just put him aside! Stepped over him!"

Tears started streaming down the Hawaiian's face. Danny felt how his heart sunk into his chest.

"Families are not supposed to do that Danny!"

"Steve." Danny said in a low tone, knowing that his words were speaking of Buck and himself.

"Please, just breathe. I know this is hard to process, but as much as I would like to torture the 118, Buck needs us here now. With him. We are his family now. His _ohana_."

Steve breathed in long periods before speaking again.

Danny was right. Buck's wellbeing was their priority now.

"I'm going to ask him."

And Danny couldn't agree more with Steve.

The kid needed to get out of that place as soon as possible.

...

"Go to Hawaii? With you?" Buck asked with his head inclined like a puppy.

"Yes. But only if you want. We are not forcing you." Steve cleared.

Buck looked at his sister with fond eyes. She knew the answer immediately.

"I'm sorry Maddie, but this place doesn't feel like home anymore. I- I need time. To heal and cope with this."

She nodded comprehensively, then Buck looked at Steve and Danny, who were standing in front of him.

"I'll go with you." He said before whispering under his breath, "No one will miss me here."

Maddie lost all control over her tears at her brother's words.

"No.." She sobbed. "I'll miss you as well as Athena, and Hen and Carla. Even Albert. But I understand you and they will too."

Then the siblings hugged.

Danny's phone sounded louder than ever in the silent, emotional scene. He checked the ID.

"It's Adam. He'll like to know where the hell are we." Danny said before stepping out of the house to answer the call.

"We will be waiting for you to go to your place, okay?" Steve asked.

"Yeah." Buck nodded.

"Thanks for everything Maddie. We'll come by in some days before we head to the airport." Steve sighed and walked outside leaving the siblings to talk.

He hoped this was the best for Buck.

When he stepped on the car, he saw Danny already settled in the passenger seat staring at the phone on his lap.

"I told him that we will explain it when we arrive." He said but Steve wasn't hearing him.

He was thinking about the station and Buck's partners. How could they be so cruel?

"Steve, are you all right there babe?" Danny asked concerned about his friend.

Steve sat there in silence.

Should he lie to his partner or should he open up about this? He was never good with feelings and that stressed and frustrated him very often.

"Not really." He finally admitted, scratching the back of his neck.

"Is it because of Buck, or is it because it's very similar to your family story?"

It was a punch to his gut to realize that, but he couldn't deny it. It was the story of his life.

Every person he had considered someone to love and trust, who had considered ohana, had betrayed him, lying and hiding secrets from him, stabbing him in the back every time he fell into the same cheap trap of believing they had changed.

Every person except for his sister and his team.

_Except for Danny._

And on second thought, Danny was the one who was always there to pick up the pieces that Catherine, Joe, John, and Doris always left behind and place them as himself once more.

He was the one who had his back and held him when no one else did.

When the world seemed to fall apart around him.

And sometimes he would even bring Grace and Charlie to McGarrett's house, just to cheer him up.

Hell, Danny literally gave him half of his liver, after landing a plane by himself on the beach. And he would constantly call and text to see how Steve was doing after every terrible thing that happened. Like he did when Doris was murdered in Mexico.

Danny flew all the way from Honolulu to Washington D.C. just to be with him at his mother's funeral and then moved to his home to keep an eye on him and be around.

And Steve had ghosted his calls and messages for weeks. It seemed that 'asshole' was a McGarrett characteristic he had inherited.

Now he needed to be his Danny to Buck.

To finally stop that sick cycle.

"Steve, hey, are you okay? You are cryi-" Danny was stopped by Steve, who hugged the other man.

It was an uncomfortable position because, well, they were in the truck, but it was a nice thing coming from the commander.

Danny felt like Steve's body relaxed in the hug. The other man took a deep breath before speaking with his voice cracked.

" _Mahalo_ for everything, Danno. Thanks."

"Whoa, partner is that you?" Danny teased as he gave Steve some pats on his back before going back to their normal positions on their seats.

"Yes," Steve let out a tear-wet chuckle. "I just realized that, after all we've been through, my mom, Catherine, Joe, some shot wounds and injuries-"

"And don't forget my liver!" Danny added with a smirk.

"How could I, you remind me of it every month." Steve laughed, he placed his right hand on Danny's left shoulder.

"I never thanked you for all. So now I'm doing it, buddy. Mahalo."

Danny's lips inevitably curved into a smile. "What are friends for? Plus, you always owe me something, you stingy."

Steve's smile faded as he remembered one of their conversations at the hospital, some years before.

"What's wrong?" Danny asked, snapping him out of his thoughts one more time.

"I wanted to say sorry too," Steve said with a small voice, as he scratched the back of his neck with his hand.

"Why?" Danny cocked his head to a side, thinking that maybe he had heard wrong.

"Because I've said some terrible things about you during these 10 years. Like when we were at the hospital and I said that soon Charlie would be as tired of you as I was."

Steve stopped and looked away from Danny. "I'm sorry. Now I think about all the things Buck said his partners told him and..."

"Hey, hey, hey. I didn't take that seriously. Okay?" Danny reached out for Steve's chin and forced the man to look at him. "It hurt at the moment, yes, but then I realized you were just teasing me. I accept the apology though."

Later he added. "Plus, you wouldn't survive a day without me, and I've said terrible things to you too, control freak."

Both laughed and teased each other until his little friendship bubble popped when Steve noticed someone sneaking on them from the window. Danny turned his head to look at what Steve was seeing and saw the young firefighter trying to see inside the truck.

He rolled the window down, ignoring the sudden heat he felt on his cheeks. "Hey, Buck! Ready to go to your place?"

"Yeah, I just was going to tell you to follow me so you guys didn't get lost," Buck answered with a smirk that told them otherwise.

Steve and Danny looked at each other. Both had a shade of pink on their cheeks. Both thought the other looked cute. Yet they didn't say anything.

Steve smiled as he turned the engine of the car on. Then he looked back at Buck and said, "Well, lead the way Buckaroo!"

...

After exiting the building elevator with Steve and Danny, Buck searched for the keys to his place as they walked to the apartment.

He was placing the keys in his door, when an old woman appeared holding a white cat in her arms, at the door that was opposite Buck's.

"Hi, Buck." She said after opening only a few inches of the door.

"Oh, hi Edna! Nice to see you." Buck responded uncomfortably as he tried harder to get the key in the right place.

_God, was it always so difficult to get into his apartment?_

The woman, Edna, looked at the brunette Hawaiian and the blond New Jerseyan, who were holding duffel bags in their hands, patiently waiting for an explanation.

"These are my friends Steve and Danny. Guys say hi to Edna, she's my... neighbor."

 _Annoying neighbor,_ he thought inside.

"Hi, ma'am," Steve said politely.

"Hi," Danny murmured with a little smile.

Then, after hours that were actually seconds, Buck was able to open the door and whisper a relieved _'Thank God_ ' while the woman, happy with her discovery of the day, disappeared into her apartment petting her cat without saying a word.

The detective gave the commander a strange and amused look, as the cat looked very much like Mr. Pickles and they both entered Buck's place.

Steve whistled, "Wow! Buck, your place is ..."

"... Incredible. I agree," Danny said for his partner.

Buck blushed and ducked his head a little because of their comments.

While Steve placed his and his partner's duffel bags beside the couch, Danny sat on a bench at the kitchen island looking worriedly at Buck, who had opened every cupboard and the fridge, looking for food or any liquid. There wasn't much of anything.

Finally, Buck sighed and closed the fridge, leaning on the counter. "I... would offer you beers, but I-I don't really have edible things in my house..."

"Hey, it's okay kid," Danny said, getting closer to Buck. His fatherly instinct had kicked in. "Why don't you go and lay on the couch and I'll take care of the food?"

"I don't think-" Buck started, but he was cut off.

"You should listen to him Buck." Steve smiled. "He's the best at taking care of people just with love and food."

Buck looked between Steve and Danny before rubbing his eyes. They were feeling heavier with every minute that passed.

"Oo...kay." He said through a yawn.

He made his way to the couch and before passing out from exhaustion he muttered a quiet _"Thank you,"_ that made their hearts hurt.

After Danny ordered some food for lunch, he started cleaning and ordering the place with Steve, always keeping an eye on Buck.

They were enjoying each other's presence while silently cleaning when Steve heard a weird noise.

He lifted his head to hear better which caught Danny's attention. When the detective was about to ask something, Steve shushed him by locking eyes with Danny and putting his hand up. Then they heard it.

"Christopher."

It was barely a whisper. It came from an asleep Buck.

"Christopher, where are you?"

This time it was louder. With more urgency too. And before they could react, Buck was stirring on the couch, obviously having a nightmare. Steve and Danny left their chores and went next to the couch.

"Chris-Christopher! No!"

Buck started struggling to breathe. His hands went up to his chest and he woke up panting.

He quickly looked at his surroundings and noticed both men beside him. His heart was pounding and he was covered in cold sweat, but he couldn't recognize the people next to him.

So natually, he tried to get away from them, by trying to kick them with his feet.

Danny skipped a kick right to his stomach by pulling away from the couch, while Steve tried to talk to him.

"Buck, Buck! It's us! Steve and Danny!" He exclaimed, and that seemed to make it because Buck curved into a ball against the corner of the couch and stopped moving his legs.

"Steve and Danny?"

"Yes, buddy. You are in your apartment, with us. Everything is fine, okay?" Danny spoke. "Breath with me, can you?"

Buck nodded and started making breathing exercises with Danny. Once he was calmer Steve asked,

"Can I touch you?"

"Yes."

Steve placed a hand on Buck's shoulder and then rubbed his arm.

"You are with us. You are okay, Christopher is okay. Yeah kid?"

Buck nodded and then moved forward to hug McGarrett. It took the commander by surprise, but he managed to put his arms around the man's shoulders to hold his head.

"He- He was there, and then I turned and- and I couldn't see him. I _lost_ him Steve." Buck stuttered through tears. "I was su- supposed to care for him. I just stopped watching him for a second and- and he fell to the water I-"

"Hey, hey, hey. You saved him, okay? He is fine. He's at home." Steve assured. Buck just continued to cry on Steve's shoulder.

"Can I sit next to you?" Steve asked after he noticed Buck's sobs were less frequent. The firefighter nodded and pulled away, then Steve settled on the corner of the couch and put an arm around Buck's shoulders to ground him.

"Do you think maybe we can call Christopher?" Steve asked.

"I think he is with his nanny now," Buck spoke. "You told me you went to the station. Was Eddie there?"

"Yeah, he was," Danny assured

Buck sent a quick message to Carla, asking if he could video call her to speak with Christopher. She answered almost immediately with an **_'Of course you can. Everything is okay?'_**

He decided to ignore the question and call her.

While Buck spoke with Christopher (without telling him he was with two other friends,) Danny went to look for the food he had ordered at a Mexican restaurant and Steve finished cleaning the house.

"Tacos for us and chicken broth for Buck. It isn't Kamekona's, but it will do with." Danny said when he arrived with the food.

He put the tacos on a plate, the chicken broth in a bowl, and opened a bag of crackers he had bought for Buck on his way back.

As they expected, Buck only ate less than half of the bowl and two crackers, but they didn't pressure him to eat more. Instead, they insisted that he tried to nap a little more. Finally, he gave in and accepted.

It was the most peaceful sleep time he had had in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take care of yourself. Drink water, eat something, you deserve it :)  
> Ps. Mahalo for all the love on previous chapters! Ily


	4. Neʻe aku nei (Moving on)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> I swear I was going to update yesterday, but my internet decided 'hahaha nope.' So here I am.  
> Also, you've probably noticed but imma say it, update day is Friday, and if I don't update, then it's Saturday :)

"Okay, so we have already packed the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, and living room stuff. Oh! and also your clothes and books over there."

Danny pointed at the boxes that were on the couch and the ones spread on the floor too. "The couch and bed are staying here right?"

"Yeah, that's all," Buck said breathlessly because of the effort they had made that morning.

He couldn't recognize his apartment, the look reminded him of when Ali and he went house touring almost a year back.

"Thanks for organizing everything Danny," Buck continued. "I can never organize things because I never know where to start. Then I try to make many things at once and completely lose track of time."

"Really?" Steve asked.

"Yeah," Buck fidgeted with his hands. "Last year I tried to organize Maddie a surprise party, but I didn't know how or where to start. The place? The cake? Decorations? Snacks? Guests?"

He laughed. "Chimney and Eddie had to jump in to help me. I was a complete mess."

His breath started regulating and even with the depressing look of the now-empty apartment, he couldn't help but smile even more than he already was.

Steve and Danny shared a look and smiled too, both noticing that the firefighter was starting to look happier with the thought of leaving LA with them.

He was also looking healthier, with Danny cooking homemade food for them for the last two days, and Steve helping him with the nightmares, which meant that he was getting more sleep at night and little naps during the day.

Buck's smile started fading, and a shiver crossed his spine when he remembered something.

"I was supposed to have a shift tomorrow."

Steve got closer to Buck with a worried look and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Evan, we talked about this. You are not going there tomorrow."

Buck started panicking. "But I... Still have things in my locker. And- And I have to do the paperwork to announce that I quit. I have to tell the Chief that-"

"We can fix that easily," Danny said placing a hand on Buck's arm, assuring him that it was possible to get out of there without anyone from the 118 knowing it.

"Really?" Buck asked with hope in his voice.

"Yeah, kid." Steve smiled. "We can ask Maddie to bring your stuff from the station."

"And I can move some contacts to get the Chief's number and get over your Captain." Danny declared. "My father was a Captain in the New Jersey Fire Department. And he went to lots of conventions around the country."

Buck's eyes were filled with gratitude with a relieved sigh escaping his lips.

"Thanks."

He said as he hugged Steve and then Danny.

"We should put these boxes near the door and off the couch, that way it will be easier for the moving company, which will come in an hour so we better hurry," Danny said, changing the subject of the conversation.

Steve and Buck agreed and they started moving the boxes, stacking them next to the door.

They worked silently until Danny felt an uncomfortable pain on his back. He stopped carrying boxes and stood still as he rubbed his back.

"You okay Danno?" Steve asked concerned.

"Yeah, I declare the couch as my bed today, Steven." Danny simply said.

Steve gave him an offended glare. "What? Why?"

"Let me remind you, babe, that I slept on a bunk bed made for a kid for the last two nights. My back is destroyed so I deserve to sleep on the couch tonight." Danny spoke as both got closer to the couch.

"I won't sleep there, Buddy." Steve simply argued, grabbing a box.

"I did, so you have to. You harvest what you plant."

"Don't come at me with your weird metaphoric sentences. You never asked if we could share the couch."

"I never asked-" Danny huffed a laugh and placed a box on the wooden floor, interrupting his own sentence. "You never invited me either. Plus, your stupidly long legs take up all the space in the couch."

"Well, then imagine my stupidly long legs in that little bunk bed, it would be worse," Steve replied with a little smug on his face. He knew he was winning the argument.

"I- uh... " Danny stammered. He placed a box next to the door before speaking. "You- what about all the times you said you loved me huh? You love me but not enough to let me sleep well?"

"Uhh..." Now it was Steve's turn to stammer. "I- Danno..."

"Don't you 'Danno' me, Steven."

Buck smiled as he heard his friends bicker for some minutes more until Steve agreed to let Danny sleep on the couch and he would sleep on the bunk bed.

He noticed that he really missed having people in his house, and healthily interacting with them, without losing respect for each other.

He missed smiling. Happiness.

He thought about the bunch of friends, family, he still had in the city.

Carla, Albert, Isabel and Josefina, Athena, May, Harry, Hen and Karen, Josh.

How would he tell them that the next day he was moving to an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with people they didn't know?

Christopher. _Oh, God._

His Bucky was everything for him.

Could he convince the kid that he wasn't abandoning him?

Like his father did when he was deployed to Afghanistan after he was born, or his mother a year before Eddie and him left Texas, and then a year ago when she died in the car accident?

And most importantly, _would Christopher ever forgive him for moving without telling him?_

...

"Chief Alonzo already knows you are quitting," Danny told Buck, as he sat next to him on the couch.

Steve offered him a beer before falling on the other sofa.

Danny quickly added, "And, when he said he would penalize the Captain and the 118 for this, I cleared that you didn't want that, as you told me, although I don't understand why you wouldn't want that."

"You won't have to make any paperwork, and he will explain it to them." The now-former firefighter relaxed on the couch with a thankful look.

"One thing done. What about my locker?" He asked.

"Maddie will go for your things tomorrow, you just have to tell her your code to open it. And she will also speak with them about this after we leave." Steve cleared, moving a hand to signal the boxes piled up on the entrance.

Buck nodded and made himself comfortable on the couch, thinking, while Danny and Steve watched a movie.

After some minutes Danny spoke, "I can hear you thinking, kid."

Buck made a small smile and worded his thoughts.

"I just, I don't know how will I tell the people that are still my friends that I'm leaving. _Especially Christopher_. The kid already has abandon issues with his mother, I can't-"

"You are not abandoning him, Buck." Steve cut him off.

"You can still be in contact with him while you are in Hawaii, you are going to be a part of his life, it won't be the same but it will be better than nothing," Danny said, and he knew what he was talking about.

He felt the same as Buck when Rachel took Grace with her to the Aloha State.

"Maybe... but how will I tell them? It will break me to see their faces if I tell them in person, and that would ruin the plan to leave without the 118 knowing." Buck was exasperated.

He had already thought of every way he could tell his friends. Messages, letters, calls, a note in his house... but he didn't like them. They just... Didn't feel right.

Steve and Danny shared a concerned look, and Steve had an idea.

"Voice notes." He said, without any further explanation. Buck and Danny shared a look.

"What?" Danny asked.

"Record whatever you need to tell them, and then send it." Steve cleared his idea.

Danny congratulated Steve for ' _finally having a decent idea in that brain of yours._ '

A lightbulb lit in Buck's mind, as his eyebrows rose. It was a perfect idea.

...

"You ready kid?" Danny asked one last time, after taking a sip from his cup of coffee.

It was already the morning of the moving day, Danny knew it was the hardest one.

Buck looked away from the dining table, where his phone was after he finished recording every voice note. He looked miserable but he still tried to be strong and nice to his loved ones. Those voice notes may be the last thing they would hear from him in some time.

He sniffed and looked up at the Detective from his seat. "Yeah, I am."

Danny helped the kid to get on his feet, and hugged him. "It's okay, Buck. It's okay."

Steve appeared from the stairs to the loft, "Hey Buck? The moving company forgot to take the- You are having a group hug without me?"

"We would never Steveo." Buck chuckled through his tears. Then he opened one arm to invite him.

After some seconds they separated and Danny asked, "You ready to go, kid?"

Buck gave the apartment one last look, memories flooding from every corner of the place.

One last tear dropped down his cheek.

"I am."

After Steve spoke with Buck about a box that the company had forgotten (and Buck assured he left it there on purpose,) the three men grabbed their respective baggage and walked to the hall outside the apartment.

Buck took the keys from his pocket and finally closed the door one last time.

After locking it, he placed his forehead on the wood and sighed.

"Goodbye."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mahalo for all the love in the last chapter! I really love to know what you think.
> 
> Ps. I won't be able to see 9-1-1 s4 until March or April, so please don't tell spoilers! <3


	5. Aloha A Hui Hou (See you soon)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy, I'm back baby!  
> TW for this chapter, it starts with self hatred thoughts and PTSD, but it gets better in the middle.
> 
> Long chapter ahead!  
> I'll take a two week break from posting, because I need to focus on writing and thinking well the next part.  
> Hope you enjoy!

After getting out of the apartment's building, Buck got inside his truck as Danny and Steve hopped on their rented truck, and followed Buck's Jeep to the Pier of Los Angeles, so a roll-on/roll-off cargo ship could take the vehicle to Hawaii.

Buck was just happily humming along whatever pop song was on the radio, focusing on the streets and the traffic, when his phone chimed with a call.

He gave the device a look, thanking that he was stopped by a red semaphore.

His smile dropped.

Bobby was calling him.

Bobby, out of anyone who could have called him.

He ignored the call, and continued driving but his mind started drifting.

Why did Bobby call him? He hadn't spoken to him in two months unless he gave Buck another chore to do in the station. Not to mention calls or messages between them. They were nonexistent.

He had stopped trying to reach out after weeks of seen messages and dry replies.

The last month he had just accepted every single chore Bobby gave him, every time his stomach ached because it was empty, every time he was disgusted by what he saw in the mirror, by _who he saw in the mirror_ , every time he had a panic attack and had to calm himself down because he couldn't reach out to anyone, every insult he received from the person he had once considered as best friend, as _brother_ and even thought could be his _boyfriend_ one day, as a punishment for what he had done.

Loose clothes, big eye bags, tired look, pale skin, feeling guilty because all he did when he went home was binge-watch the Food Network instead of sleeping. Every nightmare. It was all a punishment. _He deserved it_.

But did he?

He thought he deserved it, for breaking his family.

Although it seemed like he was the broken one because everyone around him was happy. All he heard when he was at the station was laughs.

He was broken because since he was born he had loved with his whole heart to people who didn't deserve it.

To people who then turned their backs on him and left him alone once again.

"No." He said. And it surprised him that his voice came out so full of hate.

Did he hate Bobby? Did he hate Eddie? No.

He hated how they acted. He hated that he let it happen once again, even after he promised himself that he wouldn't fall again.

He hated that they never even tried to see things from his point of view.

He felt like he was losing his family. Falling behind them. That's why he made the lawsuit. But he never wanted this to happen. They obviously saw it a different way.

But he had already said _I'm sorry_ too many times. He was already tired of being either ignored or mistreated every single day. It was time to stand up for himself and walk past them. Walk forward.

"I'm doing this for myself." He spoke again, more confidently.

A ray of sun hit his face, and he couldn't help but smile when he felt the soft warmth on his face. Like a caress from the universe for finally understanding.

_He wasn't escaping from them. He was saving himself._

He sighed as he spotted the pier where dozens of big cargo ships were docked.

He turned the car's engine off after parking and looked for his phone. He noticed he had four missed calls. One from Bobby, one from Chimney, two from Hen, plus messages from all of them.

He shrugged as he put his phone in his jeans' pocket and walked out of the Jeep.

He smiled at Steve and Danny, who were already out of their truck and waiting for him, probably bickering about something like they always did.

Steve didn't know when Buck was between his arms, hugging him with all his strength.

"Thank you Steveo."

Steve's heart swelled with affection as a warm feeling filled his chest.

"Anything for you Buckaroo."

Both separated and Buck hugged the blonde Detective.

"Thanks to you too Danno!"

"Kid you are part of the family now. We will always. And I repeat. _Always_. Be there for you."

...

After making all the paperwork that came with the transport of the car, Buck put the car inside the cargo ship and the three of them set off on the truck for Maddie's house to say one last goodbye before leaving Los Angeles.

On their way, Buck took a paper envelope out of one pocket and put something inside it.

Danny eyed him curiously from the passenger's seat as Buck wrote 'Albert' on the envelope with a Sharpie.

"Who's Albert?" Danny asked before he could stop himself.

"Oh uh-" Buck's ears turned red as he covered the envelope with his hand.

Danny stuttered as Steve directed him a glare. "It's- It's okay if you don't want to tell me, I-"

"It's okay. He is Chimney's younger half brother. He escaped from their father in South Korea some months ago, and he's still living in Chim's apartment." Buck took the envelope and shook it. "Hopefully he will accept this."

"They don't deserve you, Buckaroo," Steve said still looking ahead. He saw in the rear-view mirror that Buck stirred uncomfortably on his seat and blushed.

Buck just stayed silent until they arrived at their destination.

...

  
_1 hour before_

  
...

  
Maddie parked her car in the parking lot at Station 118 and turned off the engine.

She sighed, bracing herself for what was about to happen, and then got out of the car.

She walked towards the station with a firm step and a serious look, so that everyone would notice that today she would not be the classic Maddie, but that she came as Evan's sister.

Some firefighters saw her but did not dare to greet her. Maddie continued on her way to the locker room until Eddie saw her and trotted up to her side.

"Hi Maddie, do you know where Buck is? He hasn't arrived yet, and it's been half an hour since the shift started."

She stopped, looked him up and down, and went into the locker room.

"Hey Maddie, you can't go in there," Eddie told her when he saw that she was trying to open Buck's locker.

However, he was surprised when she cracked the code and began putting the contents into a bag that she had carried with her.

"Maddie! What are you doing here?" Said a voice that she recognized as her boyfriend's.

"Apparently nothing that concerns you." She spoke to them without looking at them.

Eddie and Chimney looked at each other.

"What are you talking about, Mads?" Chimney asked.

Maddie closed her brother's now empty locker and turned around. Suddenly Eddie had a hint of what was going on.

"Maddie, where is Buck?" He asked cautiously.

The woman scoffed with a smile that did not reach her eyes.

"Weren't you waiting for this day for months?"

Her voice sounded bitter, threatening. She was grateful that it didn't waver.

Both firefighters took a few steps back when they heard her speak like that.

_They had never seen an angry Buckley._

"What are you talking about?" Chim spoke.

"Ohohoh you know very well what I'm talking about Howard." Maddie stared at a point between the men, when they turned around, they realized it was their captain.

"Is everything okay here?" Bobby asked, his eyebrows rose at the sense of danger.

"Yes, Bobby," Maddie spoke his name as if she had garbage in her mouth. "I was about to go."

She started to walk towards the exit of the locker room and two of the men did not hesitate to get out of her way. Only Eddie dared to stop her, drawing her attention with his raised hand.

"Maddie, please. Where is Buck?"

She stared into his eyes, her jaw clenched and she finally spoke.

"He's in a better place, with his real family that actually loves and worries about him."

And she continued walking alone towards the exit.

They saw that Chief Alonzo came near her and they both spoke a little before he handed her a paper and... hugged her?

Then the woman stepped on her car and left.

Bobby, Eddie, and Chimney walked to the station entrance, with Hen joining them a few seconds later.

"Was that Maddie?" asked the paramedic pointing to the car that was leaving the parking lot.

Chimney nodded. That was the only thing he could do.

Hen took a better look at the men. They were all pale, with regret in their eyes.

"What the hell just happened?"

Then a young woman appeared in front of them, with a duffel bag in her hands.

"Hi, um, I'm looking for Captain Nash?" She said.

"It's me," Bobby said after clearing his throat.

"Hello, Captain. I'm Jennifer Jones. You can call me JJ."

She shook Bobby's hand happily.

"How can I help you?" Bobby asked, confused.

"Oh, the chief hasn't told you yet?"

"Tell him what?" Eddie asked. She looked at him, then at the paramedics, and then at the Captain.

"I'm your new recruit."

...

"Here are your things Buck," Maddie said showing him her coffee table which was full of Buck's stuff.

Two tee shirts, a sweater, sweatpants, jeans, a pair of boxers and socks, deodorant, a towel, his LAFD badge, a drawing made by Chris that said 'I love you Bucky', a picture of Maddie and him on Christmas and a picture of him and Chris at the aquarium.

His LAFD shirt, tee-shirt, and pants were nowhere to be seen.

"Oh, and the Chief told me to give you this." Maddie passed him a sheet of paper full of words. He gave it a better look as his sister spoke.

"It's the paperwork. To make it official. You need to sign it and then you're free to go."

"Thank you so much, Maddie," Buck said as he hugged his older sister.

"It was nothing Buckaroo." She said back.

Danny cleared his throat. "Uhm, sorry for interrupting, but we need to be at the airport 2 hours before the flight. And it's 9:30."

"Oh yeah, right."

They stayed silent for some seconds while Buck signed the paper, and Steve stepped towards Maddie.

"I promise we will take care of him, Maddie. He will be in a better place with us." He smiled at her.

"I know you will, Steve, I know you will take care of him."

Tears fell down her cheeks as he embraced her in his arms. Before separating, he patted lightly her shoulder.

  
She was part of the _ohana_ now.

  
Then it was Danny's turn.

"I will keep an eye on them, especially because McGarrett is a living threat." He joked.

Maddie laughed and opened her arms to hug Danny.

"You can come for Thanksgiving or Christmas or anytime you want." The man said in a low voice, so only Maddie could hear him.

She sniffed, "I will have that in mind."

He nodded and both policemen left the house.

Then it was just Buck and Maddie alone.

She hugged her brother tightly as he melted into her arms. One last hug.

"Please don't be too hard on the 118. Or Chimney." He said

"I will try to only because you told me not to be hard. Not because I want it."

She looked at him straight in his eyes. "If you don't want to be mad at them it's okay, I get it. But if one day they come and ask for my help I won't hesitate to say no. I will be mad at them for both of us.

A sad expression settled on Buck's face. Then he remembered something that made him smile.

"They don't know what is about to come, huh? I bet those people who bullied me in high school are still scared of the name Buckley."

Maddie's laugh sounded strangled because of the painful nut she felt on her throat.

"Please tell Chris I love him and that this is not his fault," Buck asked his sister. "I will also change my phone number, so please help him contact me, but don't give my phone number to Eddie. I will message you when I arrive and buy a new mobile data chip for my phone."

"Okay."

"I guess this is goodbye," Buck said, still hugging his sister.

"It's not goodbye, it's a see you soon."

He smiled as some more tears dropped from his eyes.

She cleaned his wet face, just like in the old times, and stood on the tip of her toes to kiss his forehead.

"Take care of yourself. You deserve it."

"Thanks, Maddie. I love you." Buck chuckled.

"I love you too." Maddie smiled and offered to walk him out to the gate.

Once they were there, he kissed her sister's cheek.

  
"See you soon, Mads."

  
"See you soon, Evan."

  
Then he got on the rented truck.

Danny and Steve waved their hands as a goodbye when the vehicle started moving.

Soon Maddie found herself alone, standing beside her gate.

Her cheeks were cold. Her brother was gone.

...

The five hours and a half flight from Los Angeles to Honolulu was average.

After passing through security at LAX and handing out Buck's suitcase, they waited until the airline started calling people on board the flight.

Once everyone was in their seats, they saw the air hostess's explanation, and then the plane took off.  
Buck saw through the window the shrinking city of angels.

  
Then it was just the ocean.

After the plane landed, they waited until most of the people in the halls disappeared inside the International Honolulu airport, before standing from their seats.

Once they were in Baggage Claim, Danny deactivated the 'Plane Mode' from his phone and saw some message notifications on the screen. He opened them as he waited for Buck to get his suitcase.

  
**_"Hey Danny, please message me when you land. I'll be picking you up at the entrance with Tani."_ **Adam had written.

Danny smiled, it would be nice to have a young face for Buck to meet.

"Adam, we are waiting for a suitcase. We will be out in 10 - 15 minutes." He typed.

A minute later a response arrived.  
_**"Okay, good to hear from you brother."**_

Danny chuckled.

_Had both he and Steve disappeared for three days? Yes._

_Did they tell anyone? No._

_Did they regret it? Absolutely not._

  
" _Yeah, whatever."_

He turned his phone off just as Steve was reaching out to him.

"Adam is outside, waiting for us," Danny said.

"Great."

Both stayed silent and looked at Buck, who was helping an old woman to get her suitcase.

"He is way too good for this world," Danny spoke as he grinned.

Steve also beamed.

More silence.

"I should start looking for a room in a hotel."

Steve looked at Danny with a frown. "What? Why?"

"We can't be four in a house for two."

"I'll ask Junior if he can go to Tani's tonight," Steve said after thinking for some seconds.

"And then?"

"And then we plan tomorrow. There's no need to worry today." Steve shrugged.

Then Buck came near the with his suitcase.  
"Let's go." He said as he smiled.

"Alright, alright." Danny put his hands together with a clap.

"Wait for a second," Steve said as he went aside to buy a _Lei_ from a woman.

"Mahalo Aunt." He came back to Buck and Danny and placed it on Buck's shoulders. " _Welina mai e Hawai'i_!"

"Welcome to Hawaii." He translated after seeing their confused faces.

When they crossed the main exit, a wave of humid heat hit them, as well as the powerful sun, made them blink so they could accustom to the light.

When they could see clearly they noticed a black Chevrolet Corvette Stingray parked outside, waiting for them.

Two people Buck couldn't recognize were inside.

A young woman with brown skin and a big smile, and an Asian man in his late thirties.

Steve placed an arm on Buck's shoulders and patted him as he got closer to the people who were getting out of the car.

"Adam look, Mom and Dad are back!"

The woman ran into Danny and Steve's arms, hugging them tightly and telling them to never do that again.

The man shook their hands and gave them a bro hug.

"And you brought another brother!" The girl laughed.

"Tani Rey, this is Evan Buckley. Buck, this is Tani." Steve presented the young people with a smile.

Buck stretched his arm to shake her hand, but she ignored it and embraced him in her arms. She squeezed him lightly before letting him go.

"Adam Noshimuri this is Evan Buckley. Buck, Adam." It was Danny's turn to speak.

Adam did shake Buck's hand with a big smile.  
"So this is the famous Evan Buckley, huh? Good to finally meet you."

"Yeah, we've heard a lot of you, uh, can I call you Buck?" Tani asked with a big smile.

"Sure!" Buck said cheerily. _Jesus, Tani's energy was contagious._

  
"We've heard a lot of you, Buck."

  
"Well, enough chat. I'm starving, and I'm sure you are too." Danny signed Steve, Tani, Buck, and Adam with his hand.

"Let's go to Kamekona's. It's 3 pm, or what he considers 'lunchtime'" Tani suggested, making quotation marks with her hands.

"Every hour in the day is lunchtime for Kamekona." Danny pointed out.

Buck looked at the car. "Uh, Adam? Your car hasn't got a trunk, right?"

Adam looked at Buck, then at the car, and back at the kid. He winced when he noticed the luggage beside him. "No..."

"It's okay, we'll carry the suitcase with us in the backseat." Steve simply said, opening the back door.

He made a sign for Danny to get inside.

"Oh no. No. No. _No_." Danny refused. "I am not going in the middle, nuh-uh. No way partner."

"Danno, your legs are shorter than ours. It just makes sense if yo-"

" _Did you just call me short?_ "

Buck and Tani snorted while Adam unsuccessfully covered his laugh with a cough.

The declaration took Steve distracted.

"I- uh... N-No! Danny, I would never! I-I'm sorry, I-" Steve muttered.

"It's okay babe, I'm just kidding." Danny patted Steve's arm as he winked an eye and entered the car, leaving the other man confused.

"Are they always like this?" Buck asked Tani with his mouth open.

"Pretty much all the time, yeah." Tani shrugged. "They are super blind, I don't know how they are our bosses."

"Must be hard not to smack their heads together and yell 'Just kiss already!'" Buck joked.

"Mostly at the holidays," Tani said before getting inside the car.

Buck passed his suitcase over to Danny and Steve, who were settled on the car, before stepping inside.

18 minutes and many songs from Tani's playlist later, they arrived at a beach near the Hilton Hawaiian Village.

After everyone stepped out of the car (and left the suitcase in the car), Buck saw a yellow and red food truck that read "Kamekona's shrimp truck" settled next to some tables.

Some people from one of the tables raised their drinks at the incoming group.

"Welcome party?" Steve asked Tani, teasing her by bumping their shoulders.

"Kinda?" She answered. "Hey, you were gone without a single word to anyone. We were worried about you."

"Fair point." Buck pointed out.

Then the five of them reached the table where a white serious looking woman and a black middle-aged man were.

"Come here lovebirds! Where the hell have you been?" Lou asked, teasing them with a glare.

"Oh, it's good to see you too pal." Danny huffed as he took a seat.

"We were in LA. And we brought someone with us." Steve said, getting closer to Buck.

"Oh, new recruit?" Quinn asked.

"Oh no, God no." Buck chuckled as Steve jokingly directed him an offended look. "I'm going to be sticking around for a while though. I'm Evan Buckley. You can call me Buck."

"Mom and Dad made a brother in the three days they were gone!" Tani exclaimed. The table exploded with laughter as Steve and Danny went red.

"Tania Anuhea Rey!"

Even more laughter came out of everyone.

When everybody calmed down, they continued with the presentations.

"I'm Quinn Liu, it's a pleasure to meet you kid."  
He shook her hand. He noticed she had a firm grip.

Then Buck turned over to shake the other man's hand.

"Lou Grover. It's good to know you'll be here, Buck. Steve needs more common sense."

"Hey!" Both Steve and Danny said in stereo.

"Am I not enough common sense?" Danny complained, then muttered. "Of course not, you jumped from a fricking bridge to a moving truck."

" _He what?_!"

"For your information, Lou, Buck has as much common sense as I do," Steve said ignoring Buck, Quinn, and Tani's exclamations.

"Hey!" It was Buck's turn to complain. He playfully pouted at the Commander.

"Sorry kid, you were the one that decided to enroll to be a SEAL and then be a firefighter." Steve teased.

"Speaking of SEALs, where is Junior?" Danny asked, knowing it would be better to cut with the teasing.

"Oh, he was about to come. He had to feed Eddie." Tani said, not noticing how Buck tensed at the mention of the name.

"At three in the afternoon?" Steve asked, offended.

"We closed a case this morning, after we chased the perp all night. He went to your house to sleep, run with Eddie, feed him, and shower." Tani justified her boyfriend's actions.

"I'm going to ask him to bring my car," Danny announced, briefly glaring at Steve, before standing up and walking aside to make the call.

Steve noticed what his partner meant and stepped closer to Buck.

"I forgot to mention it! I have a dog, it's a yellow lab, his name is Eddie and he is the best buddy in the world." Steve spoke.

"Ouch!" Danny exclaimed from the back of the truck.

"I'm sorry Danno, you are the best friend!" Steve exclaimed.

"Ohh, friendzoned." Adam snickered.

"I didn't mea- Adam!" Steve muttered, which made the whole table burst out laughing again.

After speaking some more minutes Buck excused himself.

"Sorry, I have to make something."

He went to the shore and stared at the horizon. The crash of the waves filling his ears. He sighed before looking down at his phone.

He sent each voice note to the people it belonged to.

One for Hen, one for Chimney, one for Albert, two for Isabel, two for Athena and May, one for Josh, and the last one to Maddie.

Once he knew they were sent, he took his mobile data chip out of his phone and broke it, before dropping it on the sea. He knew it wasn't nice to nature, but he just needed to get rid of it.

He took some breaths to steady his racing heart.

He could definitely breathe easier because he felt his chest lighter without the weight of guilt.

Buck smiled, and this time it was a shining genuine smile.

"I'm doing this for myself."

He looked at the sea and then he turned around and looked at the people at the table.

Everyone had smiles on their faces. They all looked relaxed, happy. And they had accepted him into their family without even knowing him.

When he walked back to the table, he noticed another two people.

"Another haole! As if the island is not infested with people like you, McGarrett," One of them exclaimed when he noticed Buck was near the table. The other person, a kid with no more than 20 years gently punched him on the shoulder.

"Hey Kami! Don't be rude." Tani rose her brows.

"Kamekona, Nahele, this haole is Evan Buckley. Uh, he prefers Buck." Adam spoke.

Both Kamekona and Nahele made a shaka directed to Buck, who awkwardly waved his hand.

"Haole is white." Lou whispered to Buck, whose mouth opened into an 'o' and nodded.

Then Danny came near the table.

"Junior is driving our- my! He's driving my car here."

Everyone laughed around the table before they changed the topic.

Buck found himself hearing those laughs and packing them in his aching heart and mind.

His mind drifted to LA, where his ex-partners were probably laughing at the station, happy that he finally had chosen to leave.

He subtly shook his head, deciding to start forgetting them for good.

After all, he was in paradise with a new family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a long chapter. You should drink some water and eat something. :)  
> Also, I found a page to watch 9-1-1 and I need to say, what was that literal cliffhanger???  
> I'm glad they focused this premier on Athena though.
> 
> You are welcome to rant with me in the comments!  
> Question for y'all, are you pro-McRollins or anti-McRollins?
> 
> Thanks for all the love <3


	6. Nā Hopena (The Consequences)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I'm back with a new chapter!  
> This week was a difficult one, my mind finally caught up with 2020 (a.k.a. the worst year in most of the people's lives.) And I was a walking existential crisis mess, but I managed to write this.  
> Anyway, I am better now and I can't wait to show you all the things I have planned for this part I like to call 'The aftermath'  
> Lots of love <3

Back in Los Angeles, things were going south, to say the least.

The 118 was freaking out between calls after Maddie's morning visit.

They had tried to call Buck thousand times only to bump with his voicemail and the same was applied for the female Buckley.

However, they did not call Athena to use her resources and trace Buck's phone. They still didn't want her to know what had happened, because they knew that she and Maddie would unleash hell on earth. Or rather on them.

Guilt was eating them all from within.

At lunch, no one ate.

Their stomachs felt the size of a pea. They tried to talk about something else, avoid the elephant in the room but their efforts were in vain. Everything reminded them of him.

The new recruit was just a reminder of their mistakes with Buck.

Eventually, they decided that lunch was over and started doing chores around the station.

Everyone got together at the loft at 5, to try to eat a snack.

Suddenly in the silence, two phones rang with notifications, startling them.

Chimney and Hen looked at each other and pulled their phones out of their pockets.

They looked at the messages that had just arrived and looked at each other again.

Eddie's patience ran out. "What happened?"

"It's Buck." Hen said.

A few more seconds of tense silence passed.

"So what does it say?" Bobby asked.

"We don't know, they are voice notes," Chimney explained.

"About 3 minutes." Her partner added.

Their stomachs sank.

They knew what it meant but they didn't want to accept it.

Hen took one last look at the men around her, and with a shaking hand started the audio.

First, a shaky huff sounded.

" _Hello Hen_ ," Buck's voice cracked, and he cleared his throat to cover it. " _When this message reaches you, you will probably be at the station, and..._ " He stopped. "... _my only wish is that you don't hear this in front of Bobby and Eddie,_ " The two mentioned men stopped breathing. " _...please._ "

The last word was filled with such pain, that everyone in the room wanted to cry.

Hen immediately stopped the audio and Chimney started it on his phone.

" _Hi Chim. Uhm.. when this message arrives, and you listen to this, you'll probably be at the station..."_ He stopped.

" _Don't listen to it in front of Eddie or Bobby. Please."_

White noise was everything they could hear after that.

Bobby's face was blank, just staring at nothing. No expression showed on the outside.  
He breathed slowly, his mind catching up with what he had just heard.

Eddie, by Bobby's side, tried to breathe, but he couldn't. He had a growing pain in his chest, and he _just couldn't_. He didn't remember how to.

Although they had known each other for two years, he couldn't remember what was life before Buck. But in the last months he had been blinded by rage for himself and his problems and projected it on Buck.

And now he didn't want to talk to him. Hell, he probably had moved out from Los Angeles, just because of him.

_How bad had he messed up?_

"Eddie."

A voice entered his thought's whirlwind.  
It sounded like Buck.

 _It had to be Buck_. That was just a nightmare.

"Eddie!" The voice said again.

Sadness made its way onto his mind as he realized it wasn't Buck's voice.

"Chimney no!"

He was finally snapped back to reality by a hand on his shoulder.

Eddie's Army-boy part mind sent an alert and in a matter of seconds, he had Chimney's right arm held behind his back by his arm in a wrist and shoulder lock, with his left hand holding Chim's left shoulder.

"Eddie stop!" Chimney cried in pain.

Eddie suddenly realized what he was doing and quickly set Chim free from his hold.

The other man set some distance between them before rubbing his right shoulder with his hand.

Eddie's eyes teared up as he covered his mouth with his hand.

"I'm- I'm sorry Chim, I..." He spoke. "I need some space."

Then he ran downstairs to the bathroom, where he locked the door and broke down to tears.

The alarm went off, indicating an emergency in a Park, but Eddie just couldn't bring himself to get up and go. Act like things were okay.

Because they were not.

...

When they arrived at the park, the first thing Chimney noticed was a group of people surrounding a table.

He and Hen sprinted to get there and help whoever was in trouble, but when he was some feet away, he stopped on his heels noticing that _that person in trouble_ was his brother.

"Albert?" He asked, taking in the scene and rushing ahead again.

Albert was sitting on the table's bench, drinking from a water bottle with a woman behind him, rubbing his back. The crowd started dissolving when the firefighters appeared.

"Oh great. Hi Chim." Albert said.

Hen rushed forward to take his vitals as she asked "What happened here?"

"Let me answer that." The woman stood up. "I helped him, he was choking and couldn't breathe, so I got closer and made the Heimlich maneuver."

Chim stood there not knowing how to react.

"I uh... I am a lifeguard." The woman added.

"Well, you made an amazing job." Hen said before pointing at Albert. "We will have to take you to the hospital though."

Albert grunted. "Fine."

Chimney patted his brother on his shoulder as he helped him pack his uneaten lunch on his backpack, get up and walk to the ambulance.

"So... Buck is gone."

Albert's voice sounded rough.

"Yeah..."

"Did you have something to do with it?"

"Yeah."  
...

The guilt could be felt all around the station. And bad luck for their overthinking brains, there were no calls on the last three hours of their shifts.

Eddie eventually came outside the bathroom after they arrived from the call and started working with the firetruck's water hoses without telling a word.

Bobby received a call from an angry Athena half an hour after they heard the voice notes, telling that she and May had received voice notes from Buck, that didn't speak good about him. He couldn't talk about that by phone, so he told her they would discuss it when he finished his shift. The police Sergeant made it very clear that she was disappointed and she was angry with him and his whole team.

Then, Bobby had given everyone more chores to do and went to do paperwork at his office.

Meanwhile, Hen had to confront an upset wife, who had received the news about Buck from Athena and Carla.

Chim and Hen were almost finished cleaning and restocking the ambulance when the new recruit came near them.

"Um, hi, uh- Howard and Henrietta right?" She asked.

"Yeah, please call me Chimney," Chim said, walking closer to her.

"And I'm Hen. Jennifer, right?" Hen, who was inside the ambulance sat on the stretcher.

"Yes, my friends call me JJ." She said. "I um... I'm curious about something."

"Okay, shoot, "Chimney answered.

"Is this normal here? Like, the mood. Or did I do something wrong?" JJ asked.

Chimney and Hen looked at each other.

"Oh no darling, you didn't do anything wrong." Hen assured. "It's just that..."

She stopped, not knowing what to say. She looked at Chimney helplessly.

"Come inside." Hen finally decided, getting deeper into the ambulance so JJ and Chimney could fit in.

Chimney closed the back doors and sat on the stretcher next to Hen.

"So, we... had a partner. His name was Evan Buckley... Buck..."

...

Albert spent the afternoon in the Hospital.

After the doctor run some tests on him, an MRI scan for his throat that was clear, a bronchoscopy to check his lungs were okay, and a thorax x-ray that showed he had some broken ribs, he was sent home with painkillers, anti-inflammatory meds and strict orders to relax and not to lift heavy things.

After the Uber Driver left him in front of Chimney's building, he went upstairs and inside the apartment, looked for a bag of frozen peas, took his medicine, and laid on the couch.

The painkillers knocked him out.

When he woke up, the sun was low and its last rays filtrated through the windows into the dark house.

His throat felt sore and itchy, so he naturally coughed hard. One of the worst errors in his life, probably.

Pain stabbed his chest and he laid on the couch again, taking short breaths and remembering what had happened earlier.

He had a broken rib. _Right_.

He felt the bag of now defrosted peas with his hand and rolled his eyes.

Once the pain was almost gone, he tried to carefully change his position to a sitting one.

After he was done, he took his phone from the coffee table and unlocked it.

Chimney had sent him some messages.

6.30 pm

Chim: **"Hey, how are you? Are you home or still in the hospital?"**

7.09 pm

Chim: **"Hey Albert. I bet you are already home, how did it go?"**

7.20

Chim: **"You are worrying me. Are you okay??"**

Albert blinked some times to try to clear his foggy mind.

7.24

Albs: _"Yea I'm home. I fell asleep."_

_"I think it was the painkillers."_

Chim: **"Painkillers?"**

**"How did it go??"**

Albs: _"Everything clear. Just some broken ribs."_

Chim: **"phew."**

**"ill be coming a little late today."**

**"Eddie wants to go to Buck's apartment after we finish here."**

Albs: _"Can I go too?"_

Chim: **"I don't think it's a good idea. You should be resting."**

Albs: _"Please Howie."_

Chim: **"Ugh, fine. But don't bother me when it starts hurting in the middle of the night or if your bruise gets worse."**

Albs: _"Thanks, bro."_

_'What bruice?'_ Albert thought. He placed the phone by his side on the couch's pillows and lifted his shirt.

He was surprised to see parts of his skin colored blue and purple with shades of yellow and brown by the sides just where the arms of the lifeguard girl were.

He shuddered and immediately regretted it with a wince.

His stomach grumbled angrily, so he walked to the kitchen to make himself something to eat after shutting the curtains, with a soft but constant pain on his chest.

Long weeks were ahead.

...

It was 8 pm, the sun was finally going down and the people in the 118 were going home after a long day.

Except for Chimney and Eddie.

Bobby had told them that Athena had told him that May had told her that Buck's apartment was empty.

They wanted to see that for themselves too.

So, each got inside its vehicle and drove to Buck's place.

Once they arrived, they were met by a cold shoulder from Albert who had taken an Uber there, and although Eddie asked him how he was doing after the events that happened earlier, he just greeted them, ignored the question, and went inside the building.

Chimney shrugged and followed his brother. Eddie went behind him, fiddling nervously with his spare keys to Buck's place.

Soon enough they were in front of the apartment's door, and Eddie was trying to place the keys correctly in the lock.

He remembered a conversation where Buck was complaining about the broken lock and this lazy janitor who never listened to him.

Suddenly he heard a door opening, but the three were surprised when they saw it was Buck's neighbor's door.

"Hello, can I help you?" An old woman asked from behind the door.

"Hi ma'am, I'm Eddie, uh... Buck's friend, you're Edna right?" Eddie said.

The lady nodded slowly and kept watching the two other men with him.

Then Eddie realized what she was meaning and pointed at Chimney and Albert. "They are with me."

"Do you know if Buck's home, Mrs. Edna?" Albert asked politely.

The lady gave them an odd look.

"I don't think so."

Silence filled the hall. Eddie had stopped trying to open the door. There was an edge to Edna's voice he didn't like.

"You are Eddie Diaz?" The lady asked.

"Y-yeah." He studied the woman's expression.

"I need you to give me those keys, please." The lady said peacefully. "Buck said that if a man named Eddie try to enter his apartment with spare keys, I asked for them and gave it to another person. An Albert Han."

"W-what?" Eddie asked once more, he looked at Albert who shrugged but he could read in his face that the man knew what was going on.

He tried to open the door one more time and this time it worked and he opened the door.

Of course that knew the apartment was empty, but they weren't expecting what they saw.

There wasn't a single thing that showed a person had lived there for the last year.

  
The only things Eddie could recognize were the TV and the couch.

"What the hell?" Chimney asked as he stepped inside with his brother. There was a donut box on the floor.

Eddie ran upstairs to the bedroom/loft, while Chimney checked the kitchen and Albert the living room.

Eddie noticed the bed was made, without a single wrinkle in the sheets. He checked the drawers and the cupboard to see if there was something, anything that signaled Buck was or would come back.

 _Nothing_.

" _No, no, no. Dios, por favor no_." He said under his breath.

"He's not here," Edna said, startling the three men who were inspecting the apartment. She was standing on the doorframe. "He left earlier today with two other men."

That called Eddie's attention. He quickly went back downstairs.

"Two other men?" He asked, protectiveness activating inside him. "Who were they?"

The lady huffed.

"Their names were Steve and Danny, one was tall brown hair blue eyes and the other one with short blond hair." She described the men. "They arrived here like three days ago and left today with Buck."

The names rang a bell inside Eddie's mind.

Then Chimney spoke.

"Hey Eddie, remember the married couple that appeared at the station three days ago? I think their names were Steve and Danny."

" _Desgraciados. Debí saberlo._ " Eddie cursed. He tried to take deep breaths to calm down.

"I heard something that he was moving to another state." Edna continued. "You should have been here yesterday. There were boxes everywhere on the hall and inside the apartment."

"Do you know where he went?" Chimney asked this time.

Edna stayed silent for some seconds.

"I don't think I should tell you. If he moved from LA without telling you, you must have done something wrong."

Then she turned around, took the keys out of the door's lock, and went inside her apartment.

Chimney took a picture of the place and sent it to the 'fire fam 🔥' group chat, which had the 118 members plus their families.

Chimney: **[Picture]**  
Chimney: **He's gone.**

Eddie stayed silent, thinking about something Edna had said earlier.

 _Buck said that if a man named Eddie try to enter his apartment with spare keys, I asked for them and gave them to another person. An_ Albert Han.

_Why?_

"Albert."

"Yeah, Eddie?"

"Why would Buck leave his main keys for you?" Eddie asked tentatively.

"Uhmm..."

Chimney looked up from his phone to see to see a dismissive Albert. He had his head ducked, and was fiddling with his hands.

"He... he left the place for me..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the next chapters there are going to be a lot of time jumps, but I wanted to write everyone's reactions to the audios Buck sent, so I hope you don't get confused. 
> 
> You are welcome to rant with me in the comments!  
> What do you think is the Buckley family secret?  
> (I personally think it's that Buck is adopted.)
> 
> Keep it wholesome!
> 
> (I forgot to mention, there will be some parts in Spanish in the next chapters, would you like me to translate it to English next to the sentence, "Como esto." /"Like this."??)


	7. Ka ʻohana Han (The Han family)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I'm not dead, I just don't have internet!
> 
> Sorry, my update schedule is super messy although I try my best to update on the days that I have to.
> 
> And it's about to get messier because after three months of vacations, I'll finally start school on March woo hoo. (I'm not ready pls send help.)
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy!
> 
> ( _ **This is the audio,**_ _this is the character's thoughts_ **and this are messages** )

Albert had been walking for the past four hours through LA, handing out his curriculum in hotels, restaurants, and cafes.

Hell, a job as a janitor was very much welcome if it meant that he would win some money, so he could start building a life in the city of Angels.

He munched a little bit too harshly on a hatteok he had just bought in a Korean restaurant along with his lunch, which consisted of classic Bibimbap. He was starving, after all, it was 5 pm.

He arrived at a park equipped with big tables a playground, trees, and not so many people, thinking of a well-deserved break.

He found an empty table and decided to sit there and eat his lunch, enjoying the shade of the trees.

After spending a few minutes arranging his food and finally taking a bite from it, he removed his phone from his backpack and saw that he had some notifications.

_Instagram, Twitter, and ... Buck?_

His eyebrows furrowed as he unlocked the device.

He opened his chat with Buck and saw that he had sent an audio that lasted a few minutes and nothing more.

Confused, he pressed the button to play it, raised the volume, and continued eating.

**_Hey Albert!_ **

Okay, good start, Buck seemed happy.

**_So, when you get this, you'll probably have already heard the news._ **

His eyebrows rose as he got even more confused. _What news?_

_**I left Los Angeles.** _

He choked with a piece of meat from his food.

He tried to cough to get it out and reached for his water bottle until he thought, _Don't drink water, you don't want to have a hole in your throat like Buck._

**_There's not much I can add to that, just that I needed to leave for the sake of my health. Both physically and mentally._ **

He couldn't get it out. _Oh no_ , _I'm going to die in the dumbest possible way._

**_I... there's actually one more thing that I need to tell you. I know you're still loo-_ **

He stopped the audio as he kept on coughing and shook his arms to call someone's, anybody's attention.

A woman looked his way and he placed his hands on his throat, a clear sign that he was choking before he lost balance and fell on his back.

...

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?"

"A man is choking! In the Harold A. Henry Park!"

...

His talk with Chimney in the ambulance was awkward, to say the least.

Albert was laying on the stretcher, the oxygen mask on his mouth and nose to help him breath better, and Chimney was by his side, sitting on the seat next to the stretcher.

Albert told him about the audio he had received and that that was how he found out about Buck. Chimney said that he had received one too, but still hadn't dared to play it. He couldn't.

Albert looked at him with a mix of sadness and anger in his eyes. Then he looked at his phone and played the note from the beginning.

**_Hey Albert!_ **

Buck sounded happy but they knew he was suffering on the inside. It made Chimney wonder how many times did Buck hide his true feelings from them.

_**So, when you get this, you'll probably have already heard the news.** _  
_**I left Los Angeles.** _

Albert cleared his throat. It was still raspy and sore.

**_There's not much I can add to that, just that I needed to leave for the sake of my health. Both physically and mentally._ **

**_I... there's actually one more thing that I need to tell you._ **

_Okay, now is the moment,_ Albert thought.

Chimney looked at him from his side with a worried look.

**_I know you still looking for work and a place to move in._ **  
**_I can't leave you settled in a job, but I left 3 months worth of rent paid for my apartment for you. You can ask Maddie for the keys._ **

His eyes widened. That couldn't be real.

**_That way you only worry about a job and supplies for yourself._ **  
**_It's not much, but I wanted to give you some help to start finding your way in LA._ **

"Not much?" Albert's whisper sounded muffled because of the O2 mask.

**_We didn't really get to know each other well, but I can see you are a good person, and sincerely, I'll really miss you, Albert._ **

A single tear dropped down his eye. It was more than what anyone in his life had given to him.

**_Please don't be mad with your brother. He- He did what he could to protect me._ **

Albert made eye contact with Chimney, who seemed surprised that Buck had said that.

**_Take care of the 118 for me._ **  
**_Goodbye._ **

And that was it.

"So you were involved," Albert spoke first.

"No. Maybe... yeah," Chimney mumbled. "We really messed up Albert. Everyone in the station was involved."

"We knew this was happening. We tried to help him with Hen because we know what it feels like to be rejected, to be aparted from your family..." Chimney sighed. "To be stepped over or treated like you are nothing."

Albert winced internally. He knew that deep down Chimney was speaking of their father.

"But he didn't want us to intervene. He said he got it and that he could take it." Then he added in a lower tone, "I should have pressed him more. I should have helped him."

A wave of anger made its way onto the surface as Chimney exclaimed, "I- I am supposed to help people! What kind of paramedic am I if I'm not able to help my own friend?"

"I'm going to stop you there Chimney." Hen's voice sounded from the driver's seat. She didn't mean to eavesdrop but they were talking in the back of their ambulance. "You are a great paramedic and a good friend."

She went silent, Chimney knew she was thinking her next words.

"It is our fault though. We were both supposed to help him. Be there for him."

"I just hope that he's with good people," Albert said, and Chimney couldn't agree more.

Hen parked the ambulance and Chimney started unlocking the stretcher's wheels.

"Hey, hey wait! You know I have legs right?" Albert protested and before Chimney could tell him to stay still, he tried to get up and sit.

His eyes widened when he felt pain all around his chest. He looked at Chimney as he fell on the stretcher again.

"What the-"

"You still had a lot of adrenaline in your system when we arrived at the park, that's why you didn't feel the pain yet," Chimney explained with a smirk.

Hen opened the back doors and both took Albert inside the hospital.

...

**4 hours later**

...

Chimney stumbled more than walked out of Buck's apartment to have some air.

He suddenly found himself panting outside the building, his brain still processing what had happened that day.

Buck was gone.

They had a new partner.

Buck's apartment was empty.

Albert could have died.

He knew it wasn't the best decision to leave his brother alone with Eddie in the apartment, especially with the news he had just said.

But it was all just too much to process.

Once he stopped feeling lightheaded and he caught his breath back, Chimney debated if he should go back inside or just message Albert that he would wait inside the car for him.

When he finally decided to send a text and unlocked his phone, he forgot about everything when he saw Buck's contact open.

Chimney still hadn't heard the message. He thought he didn't deserve to listen to it, because he was as rude as Eddie and Bobby who didn't get one.

It just wasn't fair.

He rested his back against the wall of the building and looked up to the night sky, sighing. His shoulder still ached from that evening's events.

"Please send me a sign." He whispered to no one in particular.

Seconds later a new message arrived. It was Maddie.

**Mads: Hi Howie.**  
**I think we need to talk.**

He huffed a laugh. "Okay, okay."

Then he typed an answer for Maddie.

**Chimney: Hi Maddie.**  
**We definitely need to talk.**  
**Wanna have lunch together tomorrow?**

Maddie's reply came sooner than he expected.

**Mads: I would like it, yeah.**  
**After the talk at Athena's?**

Chimney closed his eyes.  
_Right_ , Bobby had told them to go the next day to their house.

**Chimney: Sure.**

**Mads: Great.**  
**At your place.**  
**I'll take the wine.**

And that was all their convo.  
A little dry, but better than nothing.

If he was going to make things right this time, he had to start right then.

He played the audio.

**_Hi Chim._ **  
**_When this message arrives, and you listen to this, you'll probably be at the station._ **

Buck stopped. A heavy breath sounded.

**_Don't listen to it in front of Eddie or Bobby. Please._ **

**_He could already feel his eyes watering._ **

**_Hey Howie! Um... there's no way to soften this news so... I am leaving LA._ **  
**_Well, by the time this reaches you I will already have left the city. It's not forever._ **  
**_But it won't be for a short time._ **

An exasperated huff came from the audio.

**_I just... I-I can't heal in the place that made me sick, you know?_ **  
**_And definitely not with the people that made me sick in the first place._ **

Silence. Chimney sobbed, tears falling down his eyes.

**_Actually that was what I thought when I left Hershey with the Jeep. But that's another story._ **

Why didn't the Buckleys speak about their past in Hershey?

**_I hope you understand me._ **  
**_Thanks for always supporting me, Chim. You are like an older brother to me, so take care of Maddie. She is strong, but she needs a rock right now. She needs somebody to be there for her. I know she'll be fine with you by her side._ **

Chimney smiled as even more tears blinded his vision.

**_And if you ask yourself if I regret this, I don't._ **

**_I don't regret suing Bobby and the Department. I needed to make my point clear, I needed Bobby to know that I was capable of getting back to work._ **

**_I know he was trying to protect me, but I didn't need that, I_ ** **_needed someone to have my back._ **

"You needed me." Chimney quietly said, drying his tears with his forearm.

**_What I do regret is not thinking it slowly I did this to go back to doing what I love, but instead, I lost most of my family that day._ **  
**_I hope someday you can forgive me, for everything._ **

"I forgive you, Buck. I never blamed you." He knew he was speaking to no one, but he needed to say it.  
_We are the ones that have to say sorry._

_**I love you, Chim, and I'll miss you and your sass.** _  
_**Goodbye, brother.** _

"Oh no, oh no, no, no!" Chimney collapsed and sat on the floor, dragging his back on the wall.

There he sobbed and cried and cursed the world for everything.

_Why? Why? Why?_

_Why did Buck leave?_

_Why did they allow that to happen?_

_Why did they shut up about everything that was happening?_

He didn't know how much time had passed until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey."

Chimney looked up. It was Albert.  
He helped him get on his feet and hugged him.

"Let's go home brother."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks God for Buck Begins.
> 
> I actually updated today because I wanted to watch 4x05 before, because had the feeling that it could bring me some more ideas for the audios.
> 
> What did you think about it?
> 
> You are welcome to rant with me in the comments! :)


	8. Ka ʻohana Diaz (The Diaz family)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola!  
> I never know what to write here although I spend most of the week thinking about this notes hahaha.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter, and I'll probably update on Tuesday but it's a big maybe bc of school.
> 
> It's almost 2 am, I'm tired but I made an effort for you!
> 
> (I also remembered that Eddie is half Swede, half Mexican!)
> 
> **  
> _(This is the audio,_  
>  **  
>  _this is the character's thoughts_  
>  **and this are messages)**

Isabel and Josefina Diaz were cooking Tres Leches cake in the older woman's kitchen while happy humming along with Luis Miguel's songs when Isabel's phone chimed with a notification.

"Just five more minutes." She nodded proudly as she checked the oven where the cake was. Then she looked at her daughter. "Can you check that for me mija?"

"Claro mamá." _(Of course mom)_ Josefina answered. She cleaned her hands and found her mother's phone behind the flour. It had some white dust, that she easily wiped away.

"Mom, it's Buck. He sent you an audio."

"Well then, let's hear it," Isabel said, closing the oven. Then she got closer to the stereo and turned the volume down.

Josefina played the audio.

**_Hi Isa- Abuela._ **

She immediately noticed something was off with the man.

**_I- I need to tell you something._ **  
**_I'm leaving Los Angeles._ **

She looked at her daughter, who was resting against the counter. Both were surprised.

_**I'm really sorry for not saying this face to face, but I couldn't risk Eddie and Chris knowing this.** _

_**I know you will want an explanation, so, uhh, I guess here I go.** _

"Si, por favor." _(Yes, please.)_ She said and got closer to Josefina.

**_Things haven't been great at the station after the lawsuit._ **

**_They have been the opposite, actually. And I don't want to be there anymore. Now I know it's not good for me or my mental health to stay in that sick environment._ **

Her mouth opened, her face contracted by concern. Josefina bit her upper lip, a gesture inherited from the Diaz family without a doubt.

**_You need to know that I'm in good hands, in a new city. And well-fed too._ **

**_I'll also change my phone number, so you should be expecting a text from a stranger in a few weeks._ **

"What?" Josefina said, to which her mother answered by shushing her.

**_And, if you can, please speak with Carla. She deserves to know this too._ **  
**_Also, the second note I sent is for Christopher._ **  
**_I need to make sure for him that he can still count on me. That I didn't leave him like Shannon._ **

"That gringa."

**_I hope that before you show him the note, you'll explain to him that I left. But... don't show it to Eddie. Please._ **

"Edmundo Joaquin Diaz Hellström, what have you done?" Isabel said, now her expression was blank except for one of her raised eyebrows.

Josefina knew that was not a good sign and unconsciously stepped away from her and the wooden spoon in her hands.

**_Lastly I wanted to thank you, for letting me settle into your family and sorry for disappointing you._ **

"Why would he disappoint us?" The younger woman asked.

_**Te quiero, Abuela. Y te extrañaré a ti, a Josefina y a tus empanadas. (I love you Abuela. And I'll miss you, Josefina, and your empanadas.)** _

_**Adiós. (Goodbye.)** _

The pair continued looking at each other wordlessly. A bittersweet smell filled the air, and Isabel discovered that the cake was overcooked and smoking inside the oven.

"I'm going to call Edmundo." Abuela sentenced after turning the oven off.

"But he's in a shift."

"No me importa." _(I don't care.)_ Isabel cut her off and took her phone from her daughter's hand. Josefina wasn't about to discuss with her.

She sighed as her mother disappeared into the living room. "Diosito, please have mercy on Eddie."

She started opening the windows of the house thinking that things would go downhill from that day on.

...

Eddie didn't answer his phone, which just worried Isabel even more. Her Abuela instincts told her things were wrong with him.

She went back to the kitchen to continue cooking with her daughter. She didn't turn the music on again though.

After the cake was ready, both set off to Eddie's house, knowing Chris and Carla were there by themselves.

The black woman received them delightedly, and Chris was almost bouncing on the walls because his Abuela and Tia Pepa had come to visit.

While Chris showed Pepa his recent artworks and projects for school, Isabel talked with Carla about Buck.

The woman was surprised and heartbroken with the news, to say the least. She loved Buck as much as... well, as much as everyone around him did.

"Are you sure?" She asked, double-checking.

"Yes, I'm sure mija," Abuela spoke. Then she showed her the audio Buck had sent her and the one he had sent for Chris.

"Oh my God." Carla was as surprised as them. Tears shined in her eyes after hearing all the pain in the man's voice. "I think this is a talk Eddie has to have with Chris."

Abuela hummed, "Of course. But he won't answer my calls. I am worried about him."

"Well, his shift ends at 8 pm. He always comes home quickly to spend some time with Chris before he goes to sleep." Carla responded. "Although for the last weeks he's been coming in later than usual. I wonder why..."

...

Eddie finally arrived home at 9 pm.

He sighed and rubbed his face after turning his engine off.

He really wanted to go street fighting. Just release some steam, punch someone until his knuckles were raw and his mind free of anger. Just hearing the delicious sound of his name being exclaimed all around him because he had won.

He knew it was risky. He could get trapped or caught by cops and go to jail. _Again._

Or die in the ring.

But the money and the exciting feeling were fogging his common sense.

_Just one more fight and I won't ever go again._

That's what he always told himself.

He always went back.

He discovered himself daydreaming again, so he shook his head and breathed in regular times so he could be calm for his son.

Damn, what would he tell Chris?

He got off the truck, noticing for the first time that his Abuela's car was there. _Oh no._

Why didn't Carla tell him they were there?

Did she already know the news?

Did she tell Chris?

What if Chris knew?

Would he accept it well or...

"Stop. You're overthinking." _Again_. He said.

He stepped out of his truck feeling odd. He tried to play with his house keys to feel better, but it only reminded him of a trick Buck always, _always_ , showed him with his keys.

Some seconds after, he entered the house and a happy Christopher ran into his arms.

"Daddy!"

"Mijo!"

Eddie smiled and a soft laugh/sob escaped his mouth and betrayed his calm facade.

"What's wrong Dad?" Christopher asked.

His kid was way too smart and perceptive for his age.

Eddie thought of his options. If he said nothing was wrong, he would be lying, something he didn't want to do, but if he said what happened his kid would be upset.

"I just had a rough day, Chris, but we can speak about it later." Eddie had kneeled so he could look at Chris in his eyes. "Now go put your pajamas on and brush your teeth, it's almost time to go to bed."

The kid looked worried, but nodded and started making his way to the bathroom aided by his crutches.

After taking his shoes off, Eddie walked to the dining room, meeting Abuela, Tia, and Carla.

The three had death glares that made him shudder with a wave of cold sweat.

"Hi." He said, and suddenly he felt like he was 10 years old and his little sister had broken her arm and he was the one who has to tell their parents, who obviously scolded him.

"Sit down." Isabel said in a warning tone pointing at a chair. Eddie did as he was told without question.

"I'm going to go home," Carla said, standing up. He gave Eddie a disappointed look. "Goodbye, Eddie. Isabel, Josefina."

They heard Carla exclaimed goodbye to Chris and the door closing behind her.

"What happened?" Isabel spoke.

"Is he gone?" Josefina asked.

Eddie looked at the patterns on the table cloth, feeling tears on the corner of his eyes and a storm of anger and sadness inside him.

After some seconds passed without an answer, Isabel and Pepa looked at each other.

"Eddito," Isabel changed tactics and grabbed Eddie's hand across the table. "It's okay. We are here to listen. Not to judge."

A sob finally escaped his lips as tears streamed out of his eyes.

"He's gone. Evan moved from Los Angeles."

"Who is Evan?"

The three pairs of adult eyes were set on Christopher, who was wearing his favorite dinosaur pajamas and whose dinosaur stuffed toy was laying on the floor by his side.

Eddie's eyes filled even more with tears with the view of his son. He had just discovered they never told Christopher what was Buck's actual name. He just was Buck. _Their Buck._

He looked at his Abuela silently asking for help, but she refused. This was a conversation Eddie needed to have with Chris.

"It's uh... it's Buck."

"Wait." Chris said, taking in his words. He tilted his head aside. "Buck, like Buck? Like my Bucky? His name is Evan?"

"Yeah, Chris."

"Bucky is... gone?" Chris continued talking slowly. Brown eyes scanning Eddie's own.

All Eddie could do was nod. He probably looked as bad as he felt on the inside.

"But- But he didn't say goodbye!" The kid exclaimed, tears starting to fall off his eyes. "You are _lying_! I know he would never leave without saying goodbye!"

"Christopher-"

"He didn't." Isabel cut Eddie off. Both Eddie and Chris looked at her with the same look in their eyes. In some other ocation, it would have made her laugh. Now it just made her sigh.

"What?"

"He sent me an audio. One for me and one for Chris." Isabel continued thinking her next words. She could feel her daughter's eyes on her, questioning why did she break the only thing Buck asked for.

"He told me not to show them to you. But I think you should listen to them."

...

The four Diaz were settled in the living room.

Eddie and Chris were both sitting on the large couch, with the kid laying on Eddie's side, and Isabel and Josefina were sitting together on another couch.

Isabel handed Eddie her phone and the man played the audio directed to Christopher with a trembling hand.

_**Hey Superman!** _

Eddie's leg started bouncing until Isabel directed him a look.

_**So your Abuela must have told you that moved from Los Angeles.** _

_**I'm really sorry that I couldn't tell you in person Chris.** _  
_**I really, really, really wanted to say goodbye in person, but I knew I would not be able to leave if I saw your puppy eyes you love to put for me.** _  
_**But I need you to know that you can still talk to me whenever you want to.** _

The kid looked at his great-grandmother and aunt.

**_Just tell your Abuela or Auntie Maddie or even Carla and they will contact me just for you._ **

Eddie was crying silently, stroking his son's curly hair.

_**This is not your fault Christopher, I didn't leave because of you or something you did. It's just... grownups things between Daddy and Bobby and I that someday you will understand.** _

_**And I won't blame you if you don't want to talk to me anymore, okay buddy?** _

Christopher looked at Eddie in his eyes. His expression was unreadable.

**_I-I love you Christopher, more than what words can describe._ **

**_You are an amazingly brave young boy who can do whatever he wants in life._ **

Buck's voice cracked. It was obvious that he was crying too when he recorded the audio.

_**Never let someone tell you otherwise.** _

_**Bucky loves you, Chris.** _  
_**Please never forget that.** _

It was short but sweet.  
It was all Christopher needed to hear.

The kid turned and hugged his dad with a strong grip. His little body shook with his sobs, and his whimpers destroyed Eddie's heart to crumbles.

...

Eventually, Isabel and Josefina left after sending Eddie the first audio, leaving a sleepy father with a passed-out Christopher in his arms.

Eddie carefully placed his kid on his bed and covered him with the blankets. He then dried his cheeks and felt sorry for making his kid going through all that pain one more time.

He also thanked Buck for telling Chris that this wasn't the kid's fault because Eddie was sure Chris still felt like his mom left because of him. Of his condition.

He kissed his forehead and went to his room.

Eddie prepared to go to bed, making his night routine, but before he slipped inside his bed he played the audio on a low volume so he wouldn't wake Chris up.

_**Hi Isa- Abuela.** _

Eddie smiled, Buck always tried to address everyone rightly but miserably failed when it came to his Abuela.

 _ **I- I need to tell you something.**_  
_**I'm leaving Los Angeles**_.

The crack on Buck's voice was enough for his eyes to start watering again.

His tone of voice was off, he should have known he was doing bad. He was hurting by Eddie's behavior.

_**I'm really sorry for not saying this face to face, but I couldn't risk Eddie and Chris knowing this.** _

_**I know you will want an explanation, so, uhh, I guess here I go.** _  
_**Things haven't been great at the station after the lawsuit. They have been the opposite, actually. And I don't want to be there anymore. Now I know it's not good for me or my mental health to stay in that sick environment.** _

Eddie understood Buck in a certain way, but if he had just spoken with them maybe... he wouldn't have left.

_**You need to know that I'm in good hands, in a new city. And well-fed too.** _

_Who the hell did he leave with?_

_**I'll also change my phone number, so you should be expecting a text from a stranger in a few weeks.** _

That's why he didn't answer their calls.

_**And, if you can, please speak with Carla. She deserves to know this too.** _  
_**Also, the second note I sent is for Christopher.** _  
_**I need to make sure for him that he can still count on me. That I didn't leave him like Shannon.** _

Even after all Eddie did, Buck still cared for Chris' wellbeing.

**_I hope that before you show him the note, you'll explain to him that I left. But... don't show it to Eddie. Please._ **

"Buck..." He whispered with a crack in his own voice.

_**Lastly, I wanted to thank you, for letting me settle into your family and sorry for disappointing you.** _

_**Te quiero, Abuela. Y te extrañaré a ti, a Josefina y a tus empanadas.** _  
_**Adiós.** _

After that, he found himself crying his eyes out again on his bed, his clothes everywhere on the floor after a moment of pure rage.

His fears had come true one more time and now Buck was gone.

 _Buck_. His best friend, his brother, his crush, the person he loved the most after Christopher.  
He was gone and it was his fault.

He had been scared of losing him, with the explosion, the tsunami, and then the lawsuit, so he unconsciously set him aside bit by bit.

The last time he had talked to Buck, he probably had said something along the lines of 'you are _an idiot traitor, Buckley_ ' and pushed him harshly.

He had promised to have Buck's back. When did their relationship go so bad?

Was it after the tsunami?  
Eddie had been clear about him not being mad with Buck for almost losing thei- his. His kid. He could have sworn they even had a moment when speaking at Buck's apartment.

He was so close to telling him the truth about his feelings, right then. He should have at least said 'I love you.' Maybe not romantically (he didn't even know if Buck was into guys and God knew if he had the same feelings as Eddie), but brotherly.

_I love you, I am here for you and I'll never leave you no matter what._

Maybe he should have said it more often.

He knew Buck had trust issues, but never spoke of his past or what caused them.

Maybe he wouldn't have left.

Maybe he wouldn't have put the lawsuit between them if he knew Eddie was by his side.

Maybe he should have pressured him more so he would open up about... whatever had happened in his childhood.

But that wouldn't have ended well. Buck didn't nose in Eddie's Army past, Eddie didn't ask about Buck's childhood. It was like a silent deal they had.

_Oh, God._

_What am I going to do without you?_

He had only thought that twice in his life.

The first time was when Shannon's clothes were handed to him in a bag at the hospital.

The second time was that night, half asleep, overthinking about Evan Buckley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd really like to know what you thought about this chapter!
> 
> You are welcome to rant with me in the comments :)
> 
> What do you guys think about Ana?  
> I haven't watched this weeks 9-1-1 ep but I know she appeared so let me know your thoughts!


	9. Ka ʻohana Wilson (The Wilson family)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi beautiful people!
> 
> Thank you so much for the beautiful comments y'all leave on every chapter, I feed off them, and it never fails to make me smile <3
> 
> Ps: Read this with a box of tissues by the side, my writing is apparently as good as to make ppl cry  
> 👁👄👁
> 
> ( _ **This is the audio,**_ _this is the character's thoughts_ **and this are messages** )

Hen parked her car outside her home and cleaned the fresh tear tracks off her cheeks with her hands.

Then she took a look through the house's windows. She could see Karen preparing dinner and helping Denny with his homework inside the house.

Hen took some deep breaths and stepped out of the car, keys in her right hand.

When she opened the door, she found Karen and Denny standing in front of her. Hen threw her bag to the floor and Karen walked forward to hug her wife tightly.

Denny joined the hug too, and Hen laughed when he put her hand on top of his head.

She kissed her wife and ruffled her son's hair.

"How are you?" Karen whispered in Hen's ear.

"Okay. Kind of." Hen answered back.

"I'm still a little mad at you."

"I know."

Then she separated and admired her little family. They were there, safe and sound, with her.  
She noticed Denny had something in his hands.

"What's that Den?" Hen asked.

The kid looked at Karen who smiled and nodded.

"I made you a drawing." He said, showing it to his Mom. "Mommy said you had a hard day at work today, and that we had to give you lots of love to make you happy."

Hen took a look at the drawing and smiled.

"This is you, and Mommy and me. And we are cheering you while you rescue a cat from a high tree!" Denny pointed each of his sketchy creations on the paper.

"It's beautiful Denny! I love it, thanks, son." Hen kneeled and hugged the kid. "This is going straight to my locker, young gentleman."

Denny looked up to his mommy with a smile and Karen winked an eye to him.

"Okay, okay. Enough love now. Dinner is getting cold!" Karen interrupted and went to the kitchen.

"Don't listen to her she's jealous you're getting all the love." Hen tickled the kid and a little laugh escaped his lips.

"I heard that!" Karen exclaimed from the other room.

Hen made Denny go wash his hands before eating while she changed her sweaty and smoke-smelling clothes for clean and fresh ones. She could take a bath later, all she wanted at that moment was to be with her family.

Karen had made Hen's favorite for dinner, garlic butter steak with potatoes, which was a total hit with no leftovers, especially because the paramedic had skipped lunch.

Then they put Denny in bed, washed the dishes together, and finally sat on the couch, each with a glass of wine in their hand, and turned the television on as background noise.

"So..." Karen started.

They had received Chimney's message and a picture of the empty apartment in the middle of dinner, almost making Hen choke with a mouthful of potatoes.

"I... knew what was going on. I did. And every time I or Chimney tried to protect Buck, he would just plead us not to do it. We tried to help him, but he didn't let us help him." Hen said. Tears started invading her eyes again. "I should have tried harder. I-I wasn't a good friend Karen."

"Come here..." Karen said, placing her glass on the coffee table in front of them.

Hen settled against her wife's warm body and began to cry.

"I am still angry with you and the boys, you really hurt him. But seeing you heartbroken like this... it takes all the anger away." Karen just stroked her head while speaking. Her eyes were watery.

"I know he was a great part of your life. Our lives. And him, leaving like that..." _It hurts._ She thought but didn't say it. "I'm not that angry with you, because I know Maddie and I know Athena and I know they are way angrier than what I am."

Hen flinched with the thought of both being in the same room as them. Which would happen the next day. _Yikes_.

Karen looked down at her reaction and was satisfied to see it. That was enough torture for Hen. Carrying the guilt and expecting the consequences.

"I just hope he's with good company." She finished.

...

After Hen almost fell asleep on the couch (and Karen), both decided it was time to call it a day and prepare to go to sleep.

Hen took a shower feeling numb. She couldn't believe all the things that had happened that day.

Buck, one of her closest friends, the golden retriever of the fire station was gone.

_And it was all their fault._

Her mind wandered back to that afternoon, before Chimney and she received Buck's message.

_Buck's message._

She remembered about the audio Buck had sent, a ray of hope for knowing what had happened with him.

Hen left the bathroom and marched towards their room where Karen was, already inside the bed and waiting for her. She unlocked her phone and looked for it while her wife eyed her curiously.

"Hen?"

The woman just looked at her and got under the blankets and the duvet with her phone still in her hand. Suddenly all that hope and bravery she got inside the bathroom dissolved. Now she was just staring scaredly at the grey icon that was the message.

Karen peeked over Hen's shoulder and saw she had Buck's chat open.

"He sent a voice message to you?"

"Yeah, he did. I feel like I don't deserve to listen to him. I was just as bad as Bobby and Eddie, and neither got one." Hen looked at Karen in the eyes. "I do not deserve this."

She dropped the phone on the duvet, hands going up to rub her eyes in a sign of distress.

Karen placed a hand on her upper arm. "Listen to me, Henrietta. You're not about to not make Buck's last wish come true."

She grabbed the phone and gave it a look before speaking again to her wife. "He sent this to you because he wanted to say something to you."

She tried to hand the phone to Hen, but she shook her head softly, hands still on her eyes, mind trying to think.

"I'll be here too. Don't I deserve to know what happened from Buck's mouth?" She said, half-serious half sweet

_And yeah, Karen was right. She deserved to know._

"You play it."

"Okay," and Karen pressed the play button.

First, a shaky huff sounded.

 _ **Hello Hen**_ ,

Hen heard the same cracked voice as earlier in the day.

_**When this message reaches you, you will probably be at the station, and... my only wish is that you don't hear this in front of Bobby and Eddie,** _

Hen remembered the pain on Bobby and Eddie's faces.

_**...please.** _

Karen looked at Hen, silently asking 'You sure you want to do this?'. She nodded, taking the hand that wasn't grabbing the phone with hers.

**_Hi Hen, Karen, if you're listening to this it's because I'm already out of the city._**

A sigh sounded.

_**I'm very sorry that you have to know it like this, with this voice message, but I didn't want to, I couldn't see you to say goodbye, because I knew I wasn't going to be able to leave...** _

Buck stopped taking for some seconds.

_**Please take care of Maddie while I'm gone. I know she is strong, but she needs your support now more than ever, especially you Karen.** _

Karen smiled, tears were already rolling down her face.

_**I know you're a good friend of hers.** _

_**I also want you to know that I will always be a phone call away if you need me. That I have moved home does not mean that I have left your lives.** _

Hen sniffed and Karen went closer to her so they could cuddle.

**_And don't ... don't be so hard on the rest of the 118 or Bobby and Eddie. This ... This is their fault for reacting how they did, but it's also mine._ **

A small sob came from the recording.

_**God, why did I have to make this stupid lawsuit? Why did that Mackey have to show up?** _

The questions were filled with pain and guilt.

_**I am very sorry for the decisions I've made, except for one. Suing Bobby. I know it may seem dumb but I... broke the little family we had. I'm sorry about that, but I needed him to understand. I was desperate, I didn't think it would end on this. I just wanted a family again.** _

Buck sniffed. His voice trembled.

**_A family that would finally have my back and not try to stab_ me _in the back from time to time._**

More sobs. They even heard someone else say _ **'Easy, Buck, breath. We are here with you.'**_ in the background.

 _We don't even know who Buck left with._ Hen realized. Which just made her madder at herself.

Buck's recording hummed and they heard a shape intake of air.

_**Finally... I ask you not to worry about me.** _  
_**I am in good hands.** _

_**In fact, I have many people waiting for me on the other side of the journey. A family that loves me as much as you do. I hope I don't break it like the last two.** _

Hen and Karen looked at each other. _Did he say..?_

**_Thanks for always having my back, girls._ **  
**_I always knew that I had a place with you to shelter me and I will be grateful for that all my life._ **  
**_Thanks for believing in me, even when I was that new dumbass selfish firefighter._ **

He chuckled.

_**I will miss you girls and Denny so much.** _  
_**Remember that I love you all.** _

**_Goodbye girls._ **

Sobs and sniffs filled the silent room

"Karen..."

"I know, I know babe."

Both fell asleep still hugging but feeling a void on the inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters like this and we'll get to the big discussion!
> 
> Now I'll use this space to say something about 4x05, because I really need to. **So spoiler alert for 'Buck Begins' and the previous episode 4x04**
> 
> My mom and I think Daniel Buckley is not an excuse for Philip and Margaret not giving Buck enough love. The love he deserved as a child.
> 
> I know this because the chapter hit a little close to home, my position is similar to Buck's and my parents always made and make sure I know I am loved.
> 
> So it's not an excuse not to show Buck love.  
> It was not his fault that Daniel died and they never should have hide it from him.
> 
> So yeah, that's my point of view. It's not and it wasn't fair for our poor Buckaroo :(
> 
> **End of spoiler alert**
> 
> Also, speaking of Buck Begins, this story will stick to almost every event that happened in it, I'll post a timeline for this story soon.
> 
> And I know this is getting long, but I need to tell this _aaa._
> 
> This is a little soon, but, would you guys support me if I made a separate story with little one shots of Buck's time in Hawaii? (It would be when I end this story)
> 
> The idea is to write wholesome, fluffy one shots with him and the Five-0 team, because, while I really want to write that in this story, it would really deviate from the plotlines I'm writing now and if I made it I would put a little summary before jumping forward in time.
> 
> I really love this idea and I'm 80% sure of doing it, but let me know what you think!
> 
> You are welcome to rant with me in the comments!
> 
> I love you <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Have a nice day/night! :)


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